


Chips and Salsa

by Snaileer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: BAMF Lance (Voltron), Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Gen, Haggar is evil, He's ANGRY, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), I took a psychology class, It's dark but there's also a bunch of humor sprinkled in to add flavor, Laith, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lance (Voltron) is Missing, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance fights in the Arena, M/M, Prisoner Lance (Voltron), Protective Shiro (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Tortured Lance (Voltron), and anger is just as much a part of ptsd as anything else, but it's going in the tags anyways, gladiator pits, i don't know yet, klance, lance is still going to have ptsd, maybe some klance if you squint, not just sad, the galra are massive jerks, the temporal lobe is pretty wack, vaguely correct theoretical brain thing, without just throwing a pity party all the time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23226835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snaileer/pseuds/Snaileer
Summary: When Lance was captured by the Galra, it hadn’t been some grand battle. It wasn’t a great, world-ending fight. Hell, it had barely been anything but a routine attack for Voltron.Except, Lance is back, even if after three months. And you never know how much war can change a person.But Lance will be damned if Rachel and Marco don't pay up for losing the bet on aliens being real. And he has to survive long enough to see Keith's mullet get chopped off.So all in all, Lance has reasons to live, a universe to save and one god awful mullet to destroy.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 52
Kudos: 334





	1. First Choose Your Recipe

When Lance was captured by the Galra, it hadn’t been some grand battle. It wasn’t a great, world-ending fight. Hell, it had barely been anything but a routine attack for Voltron. 

Except for one tiny ship.

One itsy-bitsy, _massive_ ship.

It had seemed odd for such a big ship to have so many guardships. After all, a ship that big must be filled with weapons. It should be able to take care of itself. And sure, it had seemed odd that some of the surrounding battleships were docking on the central ship. And that this _one_ ship was almost half the size of Zarkon’s Main Command.

But Allura kept pushing. This race had wiped out her home, her family, so “Who cares about their docking patterns, Lance! We’re going in!” 

And they had gone in anyways. Hunk and Keith stayed in their lions for backup and distractions. And Lance, Pidge and Shiro boarded the base from the Green Lion.

“A ship this size is guaranteed to have prisoner information. I just know it, Pidge.” Shiro had seemed confident enough, and Pidge was desperate enough to get past the encryptions in the Command Room.

But Lance... Lance wasn’t sure.

Call him superstitious, but when he had a bad feeling, it was one of three things.

One, he did something bad and his mother found out.

Two, the health rating on the food truck down the street really was _that_ old.

Or three,

God was trying to tell him something, and he needed to listen.

Apparently the sound of cheering crowds was the message. It almost sounded like...

“Guys, I found the security tapes,” Pidge spoke up.

It sounded like...

“The Arena.”

Shiro’s voice cut through the air as they stared at the footage playing on Pidge’s screen.

“Shiro..”

“I’m fine, Lance,”

“Shiro, what if they’re here? This is where you were, what if they’re still here?”

“Katie, it’s iffy at best. We’re not prepared for an operation this size.”

“But we have to find-!”

“Guys, have you gotten the download yet? What’s the timeline?” Keith’s voice through the comms cut Pidge’s argument off.

“We’ve hit a snag with the ship’s identity. It’s.. This ship is..” Shiro struggled, and Lance could see him physically holding the panic back.

“This ship is the Gladiator Arena where Shiro was held.” Various curses whispered through the comms, along with a few ‘Is Shiro alright?’s thrown in for good measure.

“We’re all fine for now, but we’re at a crossroads for now. Allura, what’s the plan?”

“I- I don’t know.” She paused and the line crackled a bit, “There must be dozens of prisoners on that ship, but we can't- we don't have the supplies to do anything right now.”

“We should leave. We can come back later.” 

“Or not at all, maybe just not fight for once? Save our energy, go out for dinner instead?” 

“We have to stay! What if my family’s here?!”

“Even Voltron can’t fight that many, we should leave for now.”

“Shiro, we can’t just leave others to suffer the same fate you did.”

“I know, Keith but we-”

“Looks like the decision’s been made for you! We’ve been found!” Lance yelled as he pulled up his shield and bayard.

“Just one second, I’ve almost got the files.”

“No time, Pidgeon. We gotta go!”

“Just give me thirty seconds. I can do this.”

Lance shot down another sentry coming up behind Shiro.

“Hurry Pidge, we don't have thirty seconds!” 

“Almost... Almost... aaand I’ve got it!

Shiro sliced through two of the sentries then spun to grab Pidge and yank her away from the console. The three burst down the hall towards the hangers, Lance clearing the way.

“Keith, Hunk, be ready to get inside the Castle quickly once Green’s landed!”

“No argument here, Shiro! But move fast, there’s almost too many for just two of us.”

“Shiro, we’ve got a whole group of sentries coming for us!”

“I’ll get ‘em!” Lance folded around to be behind Shiro and Pidge, shooting down the sentries following them.

“And as much of a tactical advantage as this is, I can run on my own, Shiro.”

“Right. Sorry, Pidge.” Shiro dropped her from his shoulder in a running stop before they picked up speed again. They passed a fork in the hall, spotting another squadron of sentries coming down the other end.

“Lance, can you take care of them?”

“No problem, you guys get to Green, I’m right behind you.”

He was in fact _not_ right behind them.

He wasn’t right behind them when they got into the Green lion.

He still wasn't right behind them when the Green Lion was hovering in open space just outside the ship, still in camo. 

And he definitely wasn’t right behind them when the Arena ship suddenly wormholed a hundred galaxies away.


	2. Then, Gather Your Ingredients

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance's return.  
> TW: Warnings for PTSD, flashbacks and some almost nonexistent blood, also some darkness. But hey, that's Langst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not expecting such a positive response. Wow, okay. Thank you. Thank you so much. The comments gave me enough motivation to actually right a second chapter instead of abandoning it so I guess it worked, right? And here it is,

He could already hear the ringing in his ears, the piercing screams that rose every time he stopped. Anytime that he rested, anytime he wasn’t fighting, hurting, _killing_ for the Arena’s amusement.

It had been with a sense of dread that Lance had realized he’d become dependent on the fights. He waited for the next one, and the next, and the next; every muscle tightening the longer it took. 

Once, they’d waited almost a whole week between a fight. Just to see him struggle, to see him beg at the end of it.

“Ask to fight and you shall Paladin,” they’d told him. He’d refused, with every fiber of his being, he’d refused. 

At first.

Then days passed, the guards had barely fed him, and he could hear the ringing start in his ears.

But he could deal with it. He had 4 siblings and even more squealing nieces and nephews. He could push through the noise, he’d done it before. He would not break.

And then it had grown.

The ringing had grown from a high pitched hum, to a roaring yell. And they told him, “Ask to fight and you shall,”

He said no. He kept saying no. He screamed it at them, just to hear his own voice above the neverending scream in his ears. 

But he could tell his body was itching for the fight. Like an addict with a fix. 

Just one fight. Just to make it stop. Just to move, to do _something._

But he denied the urge, that horrible darkness that screamed to be let out. He denied it until he couldn't anymore. Until it seemed to take up every single thought he had. Until he could barely think past the noise of it echoing through his brain. One thought could still get through.

“I’ll do it,”

“Say it again, Paladin,”

“I said fine! I’ll fight for you! Make it stop! Just let me out! Let me fight!”

Nothing.

“Please,” It damaged his soul just to say that one word. And yet, when they took him to the Arena and he fought, when he killed and the buzzing of his mind finally settled, he couldn't find it in him to regret it.

And now he could already hear the ringing in the back of his head. Could already hear it growing. Growing as he tried to rest for just one second.

It rose, screeching in his ears and still growing. And it brought with it only one word;

Fight.

x--x--x

Shiro stalked down the prison hallways of the Arena ship. The floor was littered with deactivated sentries, which their EMP had successfully destroyed with the rest of the ship’s controls. He kicked past the metal bodies. He checked every cell, ushering any remaining prisoners towards freedom. He was only looking for one prisoner. One very specific, very important prisoner.

Lance.

Shiro would tear apart the whole ship if he had to. To find him, to find that laughter, the personality that could lift the room, even in the middle of a war. They’d missed it more than any of the team would ever admit.

“Shiro, the Blades have cleared the battle room and prisoner levels one and three.”

“I’m already on level two, Pidge.” _The battle room_. A nice way of telling him the Arena was empty.

“What if he’s not-”

“Don't even say it, Pidge,” Hunk cut in from beside him, Shiro had almost forgotten the boy was even there. The lack of frightened comments and anxious rambling had made Hunk all that much more invisible. Hunk with no Lance was different too, and it was just another missing piece without Lance.

“Fine. I’m sorry. Be sure to check the room at the end of the hall. It looks like it’s the med-bay for the prisoners,” Pidge’s comm crackled as she ended the conversation.

She was right, the last room did look different. And it was definitely bigger.

But it was also definitely _not_ the med-bay.

The knives and the blood on the floor told them exactly what it was used for. Torture. 

Hunk gagged beside him. Shiro scanned the room, blatantly avoiding the table and weapons, he didn’t have time to get pulled into a flashback. Not when he had a mission.

His eye caught on the space in the back of the room. Small, but enough space for a medical pod. He stepped towards it hesitantly, but his gut still squeezed.

“Hunk, I think-” But Hunk was already moving around the room and had found the pod too. “Shiro, there’s a healing pod back here! There’s someone in it but the EMP we used took down the systems.”

“I’ve got it,” Shiro shoved his own problems down and moved to help Hunk.

“I can't get it open, we’ll have to break the glass,” It was too opaque to be real glass and without power, it would stay that way. Still, it broke like glass when Shiro punched it with his prosthetic.

And Shiro’s heart stopped when the shards fell away.

“We found him,” Shiro vaguely registered Hunk say it, then yell it into the comms. “We found him. Guys, we found Lance! He was in a pod, but we found him, and-”

Shiro snapped out of his daze to catch Lance as he fell from the pod. He weighed almost nothing, looked like skin and bones and roughly refined muscle.

“He’s still asleep, Hunk, we need to go. Now!” If Lance was in a pod, that meant he was injured, that he was hurt badly enough that he would’ve died without it. And now that the pod was broken...

“Yeah, okay, let’s go! Come on, I’ve got the map to the hangar.” Hunk took off down the hallway, Shiro carrying Lance and running behind him. 

“Coran, we’re gonna need a pod as soon as we get to the castle. Lance might be injured,” 

“Is he okay?”

“I don't know, he’s still sedated. Shouldn't he be awake by now, Coran?”

“If the pod’s cycle was stopped early, he’s still going to be in stasis, but not for long. Get him here, quickly. If he wakes up with an injury, it could- .”

“We’re loading into the Black Lion now. Everyone get back to the Castle!” Shiro couldn't bear to listen to the possibilities of what could happen, “Allura, tell the Blades we’ve found him,” 

“Already done, Shiro,” Shiro paused when he had to lay Lance down in Black’s cockpit, only reassured when Hunk sat right next to him.

Shiro pushed Black’s speed back towards the castle. He could hear Lance groan behind him. “Hunk-”

“Shiro, he looks so different. He looks-”

“I know.” He did know, he’d seen the hardness in Lance’s face, visible only if you looked. His hair was cut differently too, it looked vaguely like an undercut, but it was old, starting to grow out of the style. Not even to mention the blaring difference of the prisoner rags, he could already tell Lance would’ve complained about how they clashed with his skin tone. Would’ve.

The moment Black’s feet touched the ground, Hunk was already carrying Lance down the ramp at a run towards the med-bay. Shiro was right on his heels the whole way.

Lance groaned again, and they could hear the pain behind it.

Coran was waiting for them the moment they burst through the doors. They were putting on the medical suit when the rest of the team came running in a moment later. Everyone stopped short at the sight of Lance. 

“Is he-?” Pidge started, her voice uncharacteristically sad. All of their eyes were drawn to the scars as he lay on the medical table.

“He’ll be alright, Number Five. Shiro, help me get him in the pod.” Coran finished putting the suit on and lifted Lance’s body over to the prepared pod. He gave him to Shiro so he could turn on the machine.

They watched the pale cover slide over his body and the readings pop up on the screen.

Time didn't seem to move anymore. 

Because Lance didn't look like Lance. He looked like a shadow, an empty, dark version of their friend, of their teammate.

All they wanted was for Lance to be okay. For him to be playing a terrible practical joke. For him to finally break character, to laugh and as he talked about how “Oh you should have seen your faces! They were priceless!”

The last few months had been empty without that laugh.

To just hear that laugh. Just once.

But he wouldn’t

They had him back, finally. And yet, they doubted they would ever have that Lance again. The Galra would have crushed him, crushed every bit of his carefree spirit, every remnant of that amazing, loving person. And left nothing in its place.

Lance looked like he was in pain even in the pod. His face scrunched up and tension laced through his body.

“Alright, all of you, out.” Coran turned back to the team gathered around the pod, and time started back up again, “All of you need to rest.”

“I’m not leaving him here alone, what if something-” Keith started, his stubbornness rearing its head.

“Nothing’s going to happen, he’ll be okay,”

“Will he though?” Hunk was almost too quiet, his eyes pinned to the floor.

“What the-? Hunk, why would you say that?” Pidge whipped around at him.

“We all saw the scars. Some of those were definitely not accidents and we know he was in the Arena; Pidge, what if he’s gone? What if our Lance is gone? What if my _friend_ is gone?”

“He’s not! We got him back! He’s fine!”

“Be quiet!” Both of the kids went silent at Coran’s parent voice, even Keith shut his mouth from preparing to enter the argument. “I’ll not have this team falling apart now, not when we are so close to being all together again. Lance would not want that. He wouldn't want you to be arguing, or working yourselves to exhaustion. You all need to eat and get some rest. Our boy is tougher than a Balmeran’s scat, so you’re just going to have to trust he’ll make it through this.”

“Coran-”

“No, Princess, I’ll not hear another word against it. I’ll stay here and monitor his readings until you’re all back in tip-toppity shape. So out! Out, I say!” He started motioning with his hands, shooing them out of the room and towards the doorway.

_BeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeep_

“What in the-” Coran stopped pushing them out and ran over to Lance’s pod.

“What’s wrong Coran? Why is it beeping? Is he okay?” Keith was the first to rush back in, the rest of them right behind him.

“He’s waking up! I saw his heart rate was a little fast, but he shouldn't be waking up, it’s too early!”

“Why isn’t the pod keeping him asleep? Is it malfunctioning?” Allura was pressing buttons on the pod’s screen cover, trying to figure out what was wrong with the pod.

“It should be working, but-” the woosh of the pod opening made everyone shut up, holding their breath as Keith moved in front of Allura to catch him. He caught Lance by the shoulders, expecting the weakness that often came with the healing pods.

What he got instead was a knee to the stomach. Lance was suddenly a whirlwind of punches and movement, each one hitting a surprised paladin. Except Shiro, Shiro knew what this was, he’d seen the glazed over look in Lance’s eyes. He’d seen it in himself, too.

“Lance!” Nothing, Shiro continued to dodge the blows, “Lance, you’re not in the Arena!” Shiro managed to land his own hit to Lance’s side, surprising him enough to bring him to the ground. “Lance, please, you’ve got to wake up.” Shiro held his wrists, pinning him down, “You’re safe, now. You’re at the Castle, you don't need to fight.”

That seemed to finally give him pause. Just for a second.

“The Castle..” His eyes cleared just a bit, enough to finally see the people around him, “Shiro?”

“Yeah, buddy, it’s us.” Just hearing the sound of his voice, no matter how rough, seemed to heal everyone’s hearts, just a little. “You’re at the Castle, we rescued you. You’re safe now.”

“I’m at the castle?”

“Yeah, Lance,”

“Really, actually here?” The way Lance said it troubled Shiro with the implications. Implications that he didn't believe he would be saved.

“Of course Lance. We saved you,”

“F*ck!” That was the last thing any of them expected Lance to say.

“What?” Hunk looked like he was in shock at Lance’s reaction

“Crap! Crap crap crap!” Lance started trying to push Shiro off of him again, “Dios mio, Shiro, get off of me. You’re like a ton of bricks,” For a ‘ton of bricks’ he sure got out of it quickly. But Shiro’d be lying if he said he hadn't missed those small jokes and the accidental use of spanish every now and then.

Lance jumped up from the floor and moved towards the medical cabinets in the room. Rummaging through them recklessly, swiping stuff off the counters and pushing things out of the cabinets. He was muttering and cursing under his breath, “Where is it? They’ve got to have one somewhere in here,”

“Lance!” And ignoring them apparently, too. “Lance!”

“Lance, stop it!” This time it was Keith who basically yelled his name as he stomped over and grabbed Lance’s wrist. Lance stopped dead in his tracks the moment Keith touched him.

Lance yanked his hand back immediately, and Keith stood just as still as the rest of the room. None of the team dared to move, afraid they’d scare Lance away like a frightened animal. Lance could be going into another flashback, they didn't know what any of his triggers were yet. They couldn’t help him yet. 

Lance’s eyes scanned Keith, catching on the hilt of his blade holster. 

“Finally!” Lance grabbed the knife in seconds, moving to a mirror with his hands wrapped around the blade’s edge. 

“Lance!” He lifted the tip to his temple as Shiro jumped up to pull the knife away from Lance. Keith helped hold him back, though it took both of their strength to keep him in place.

“Lance, please! You don't know what you’re doing! You’re hurting yourself!” Shiro tried to catch his eyes again to bring him out of it but they roamed across the faces of the team watching in horror.

“No, you’re right Shiro, that’d never work. I need….” He stopped at Coran, “A scalpel!”

“Lance, my boy, why don’t we just calm down for a second-,” Coran took a step forward, his hands up in a placating gesture. They needed to get control over this situation. Fast. It was spiralling downwards quicker than any of them could keep up with.

“Calm down?” Lance pulled against Shiro and Keith’s hold, “I can’t calm down! That’s like the last thing I want to do-! Ah! Mother trucker!” Lance stumbled forward, clenching his head in his hand. He looked like he was in pain. Yet he ignored the slash on his palm and the blood trailing down the side of his face from the scratch on his temple. The sudden shift in movement caused the brothers to move forward to try to support him, accidentally loosening their grip in the process.

Lance took the opportunity without hesitation, ripping himself from their hands with surprising speed and strength.

“I’ve got to go,” He started running for the door, “I’ve gotta get out of here,” Lance ran from the room, barely taking a second at the doorway to choose a direction.

Everyone followed after him, calling his name, trying to get him to just stop or slow down just for _one_ second.

But Lance ran track every year in highschool and it showed. He sprinted down the halls, frantically turning corners and hastily choosing random directions.

“I can’t find it! Gah, I can’t f*cking remember! Where is it?! I have to get out!” He paused for brief second at an intersection before rushing down in the direction of-

Allura yelled on the comms as she chased after him, “PALADINS! Cut him off! He’s trying to get to the hangars! I don't think he knows what he’s doing! Be careful!”

Shiro ran through the hangar shortcut, pushing ahead of the group but still making sure everyone else was following him.

He reached the doors first, seeing Lance narrow his eyes when Shiro blocked the hangar entrance. 

But he didn’t stop. Didn’t even slow for a fraction of a second as he ran in a dead charge at Shiro.

He was a second away from tackling them both to the ground when Lance leapt to the side, making into the hangers.

Only to run straight into Allura. She grabbed him, harder this time, her alien strength easily gapping the difference. They couldn't afford to lose him now, not again.

Shiro saw the team come up the hallway behind him and turned to face Lance again, for all too many times in such a short period.

“Lance! Please, do you know where you are? Do you know who I am?” If Lance was having another panic attack, the team could agree that Shiro would be their best bet for getting him out of it.

“Of course I do, Shiro!” The hidden venom in Lance’s voice startled Shiro, “I’m stuck and lost in this freaking castle and I need to go!”

“Why? Please, Lance just stop for a seco-“

“I can’t stop! I have to keep going! Always! I have to keep moving and fighting and I can’t ever just stop! I haven’t been able to stop since you guys left me behind on that Galra ship 3 f*cking months ago!” He was breathing hard by the end of the yell, his words only seeming to catch up with him when the team gasped.

“Sorry Shiro, I didn’t mean-,”

“No,” Shiro hung his head a bit, “It’s okay, you’re right. We shouldn’t have left you behind.” They had all spent more than one night awake with guilt over what’d happened.

“Hardly, I chose to take that path and I chose to be on the other side. You did all you could.”

“Hermano, we should’ve-“ Hunk stepped forward with tears in his eyes.

Lance winced and grit his teeth, stumbling forward again before straightening harshly, “This is sweet and all but I’ve really got to go.”

“Why,” Pidge asked, her voice betraying the anger on her face for desperation, “We just got you back from the Galra and now you’re trying to leave! Why?!”

Lance's eyes narrowed with a cold hardness to them, “Because they chipped me like a f*cking dog and I’d bet you they’ve already called Animal Control on my ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to decide whether to start with him in captivity or to start with him already returned, or how to lay out the timeline, but I think everything is falling into place. Can't wait to see you next chapter. Your comments give me motivation and also, I sometimes like to graph the data so even kudos look good on line graphs. I'm joking, mostly, but I'd be glad if even just one person enjoys my writing so all of you are amazing in my book.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @snaileer, if you want.


	3. One Cup Fresh Cilantro Leaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reactions, reveals and a whole lot of problems arise.
> 
> Allura is still fancy, Coran is still crazy, Pidge is still a gremlin, Hunk's still a cinnamon roll, Shiro is still Space Dad TM but most importantly...  
> Keith's mullet is still terrible.
> 
> Good to know nothing's changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recap:  
> Lance winced and grit his teeth, stumbling forward again before straightening harshly, “This is sweet and all but I’ve really got to go.”
> 
> “Why,” Pidge asked, her voice betraying the anger on her face for desperation, “We just got you back from the Galra and now you’re trying to leave! Why?!”
> 
> Lance’s eyes narrowed with a cold hardness to them, “Because they chipped me like a f*cking dog and I’d bet you they’ve already called Animal Control on my ass.”

“What?” Everyone paused at the declaration. “What do you mean they chipped you?”

“I _mean_ , they held me down and played a rousing game of Operation as they put a piece of metal inside my body like the bunch of purple furry creeps they are.” Lance bitterly ground out the words. It may have seemed like a joke but they could tell it was just a cover.

“And if they put a chip in you, they can track you anywhere you go and you need-” 

“I need to leave,” - “You need our help.” Keith and Lance finished the sentence at the same time, though in vastly different ways

“Lance, why would you leave!?” Keith whipped around to face Lance from standing next to him.

“Because I’m a danger to you. I’m putting you in danger just by being here!”

“We can fix this. We can get rid of the chip, we can help!” Pidge cut in again.

“Not without the Galra finding us first, I don't even know where they put the chip! Once they find out I’m gone, they’re going to come for me! And they’re going to find me... I can't be here when they do, I can't put you guys in more danger, not again.” Lance’s voice was still angry and defiant, but it also sounded a little guilty. As if Lance had any responsibility for what was happening.

“Lance, you’re not-” Keith seemed ready to start up another full-blown argument, but not before Hunk cut in from his surprised silence.

“What if we were able to temporarily disrupt the chip long enough to get it out?” Or maybe not surprised silence, but planning silence.

“How?” Lance turned his head to Hunk, finally stopping his lackluster struggle against Allura. He seemed to be honestly considering the possibility; it was progress.

“Well, remember when we were first fighting Zarkon, and he kept chasing us around the galaxy but we couldn’t figure out how he was finding us?”

“You mean when Allura and Keith decided to run away together in a fit of teenage angst and endanger the whole team? Why yes, Hunk, I do remember that.” Shiro threw a glare at his brother and the princess, who had the good sense to look mildly ashamed. He turned back to Hunk, “But what does that disaster have to do with this one?”

“Well, when we were still trying to figure it out, and before we knew it was the Black Lion’s connection, Allura wormholed us into a space storm that we thought would disrupt their trackers. So...” Hunk seemed to be rambling a little bit, losing certainty as he talked.

“Sooo, if we can find another metallic storm like that one, it would cause enough interference to give us time to remove the chip!” Pidge caught onto the idea quickly and gained confidence the more she thought it through, “Hunk, you're a genius!”

“So, Lance, are you willing to work with us on this? Take a chance?” Shiro looked to Lance with hope and determination. They were so close to being done with all of this.

“I’m sensing I don't actually have much of a choice, do I?” Lance said with a small chuckle at his friends.

“You always have a choice with us. But not this time, not really, no.” Shiro chuckled back with a smile. Lance had barely been back for more than an hour and the team was already healing, he could tell.

“If I let go of you now, you’re going to stay then?” Allura asked.

“Yeah, Princess, you’re good. I’ll stay,” Allura finally released her grip and stepped back, “But only to see if this works, if you can’t get rid of the chip, I will leave. You have to let me leave.”

“Lance, no. We can't do that-” Hunk started, but Lance interrupted him with a stern look.

“Promise me,” Lance looked at all of them, even Coran who’d approached at some point, “Promise me, if we can’t stop the Galra from tracking me, you’ll let me leave.”

“But we-”

“Fine,” Shiro stopped the other’s arguments, “We promise to let you go if we can't fix this,” he paused again, “But I trust in our team’s capabilities, you should too, Lance.” Then he stepped back and led everyone back to the bridge for Allura to wormhole.

Everyone would be lying if they said it didn’t make them smile when Lance sat down in the Blue Paladin chair.

“Whenever you’re ready, Allura, I’ve entered the coordinates for the strongest storm I could find nearby. Zylo-Tuun Quadrant actually. Why, I remember my first trip to Zylo-Tuun, on the planet Ghakin, ugly planet that one, too far from Altea, the people there were too hard, in my opinion. Nothing like you squishy humans.” And by the time Coran was finished talking, they’d already made it to the other side of the wormhole. The team stood to head off to the medbay. Except Lance.

“Lance, you coming?” The dazed look on Lance’s face made them hesitate, but it disappeared with a quick shake of his head as Lance got up and walked over to the group. 

“I’m fine you guys, just ready to get rid of this thing. I just want to get back to normal.”

“That we can do,” Coran moved behind them down the hall, “First, I’ll need to do a scan of your body to find the quiznacking thing before we remove it.”

“And how do we do that, Coran?” Shiro asked as they entered the medbay, blatantly ignoring the left-over mess and bits of shattered glass on the floor.

“Just need you to step into the stasis pod. It’s not going to close, so no need to worry about that, my boy.” Coran motioned to Lance and moved him into the open pod. A blue light projection scanned over his body and caused something to beep on Coran’s holo-pad. Lance stepped out of the pod.

“Oh-no,” Coran’s aura of cheerfulness drooped as he looked from the pad to the team.

“What is it Coran? What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you Lance, it’s just… the chip… this might be harder than we thought. It’s not somewhere we can just get rid of it.”

“Are you saying you can’t do it? That I’m stuck with this thing?” 

There was a sense of desperation in the air, though it was audible in Lance’s words, no matter how angry they sounded.

“No, but… Lance.. the chip is implanted in your brain.” Coran turned the holo-screen towards them. It showed the scan of Lance’s body, zoomed in on his head, with a tiny solid light blip in the diagram of his brain. 

“Oh my God.” Lance’s voice was breathless, “Oh. My. God,” The second time sounded a bit deranged, especially followed by the huff of almost-laughter. Lance looked down at his hands.

“Lance…”

“I knew it. I knew something was off,” Lance shook his head, then put a hand to his hair. He looked back up, a sort of broken, angry, sad smile on his face, “That’s why they cut my hair… Of Course!” He laughed again.

“Sorry, what? They cut your hair?” Keith asked, stepping forward. He didn't like the look on Lance’s face and Keith was just as close to breaking down, probably into a fight.

“Uh _yeah_ , Keith, they cut my hair. You know what that is, right?” Lance’s words were bitter and sarcastic, “Maybe you should try it on that mullet sometime. But this undercut thing I’ve got going on wasn’t my choice. They did it for the surgery! To put that god-forsaken _THING_ in me!” Lance whipped around to point directly at the screen with the chip diagram.

“And now! We can’t get it out! And isn't that just fan-freaking-tastic!” The yell sounded angry and exasperated, but most of all tired. Lance didn’t want to deal with this, he just wanted this whole mess to be done with. 

He had to leave now, Lance knew he would have to leave. 

“Lance, we have time. We’re safe in the storm. It’s blocking the chip from sending out a single, they can’t track us here,” Shiro knew 

“But you’re still in danger. I’m still a danger to you.” Lance 

“No, you’re not Lance. We care about you, we’re a family, you’re not putting us in any danger we can't handle.”

“But I’m the one that’s dangerous! Don’t you get that!? I’m the one that hurts people! I’ve done it before! You don't know what I did in the arena! What if I’ve changed?!” Lance’s heart ached as he looked at his team.

How could he ever stay on Voltron? He had so much blood on his hands, blood put there all on his own. And it still wasn't enough blood to keep him from needing to fight.

Shiro stepped in, putting a hand on Lance’s shoulder, “You’re still our family. You don't have to feel guilty for what they forced you to do, Lance. You told me that before, now _I’m_ telling _you_. What happened was not your fault.”

Lance roughly yanked his shoulder back from Shiro’s touch. He scoffed and his face grew angry, “Well, not everyone can be as perfect as the universe’s golden boy, Shiro. Not everyone is as good as you are on the inside. Some people are just BAD!” He stormed out of the room after throwing a hard glare at Shiro.

How could Lance ever stay on Voltron? How could he willingly ruin Voltron with his darkness, his problems? What need did they have for someone like him? Someone who only relaxed when he was fighting and hurting others. Someone who survived on the suffering of others, on hurting them. 

But Lance wouldn’t let that happen to them. Not to them. _Never_ to them. 

Not to Hunk.

Not to Pidge.

Not Shiro. Or Allura. Or Coran,

And not to Keith.

Even if that meant he couldn’t stay, no matter how much he wanted to.

Lance hesitated at the doorway to his room. It seemed like this small pocket of normal that hadn't been touched by everything that had happened. The motion sensor opened the door for him, allowing him in to sit on the bed.

He could stay. He could just lay down now, fall asleep and act like the bed didn't feel too soft compared to the cold floors of a cell. Wake up in the morning, go to breakfast with the team, complain about Altean food goo with them even though he’d tasted worse in the prison. He could pretend.

Lance breathed deeply, trying to convince himself it was okay to stay with the team. As he breathed out, his calm was ruined by the ringing sharpening in his ears. 

His fingers twitched with the urge to hit something.

Of course he couldn’t stay, not when he couldn't control himself. Not when he was still addicted to the fights. Addicted to hurting the people around him. Killing them just because they befriended Lance when-.

No. He still needed to leave. Lance got up from the bed, changing out of the healing suit and into his Earth clothes. And how he relished the feeling of air between fabric and skin. Of the feeling of the cotton in his favorite t-shirt and the rough smoothness of his jeans. It was amazing: the feeling of wearing something he liked, that was comfortable and not prison rags that stuck to his body with blood and dirt.

Still, as he took off the med suit, Lance had to remind himself there was nothing similar in the way this fabric stuck to his skin with sweat from the day.

x--x--x

Keith had destroyed a _probably, only maybe, tinsy bit_ excessive number of training bots after Lance had left the medbay. Shiro had gone to bed halfway through, telling Keith to do the same. Which he didn’t and would probably get chewed out for but it was _pfff_ , whatever. 

He was currently heading towards the showers, if only because he’d get to- _have_ _to_ pass Lance’s room on the way. Usually he’d be fine showering in the morning instead.

“Keith?” 

Keith turned back to see Pidge standing in the hallway outside her bedroom-turned-workshop. 

“Pidge, uhh, what are you still doing up this late?” 

Pidge raised an eyebrow at him, “We’re both standing here, fool.” 

He winced. “I’m coming back from training, just heading to take a shower.”

“Down the one hallway with all of our rooms?”

“I’m worried about him, sue me.” Keith was more than a little worked up from training so hard and all he wanted to do was-

“Don't have the money for it. Oh, this is perfect! I need a second pair of eyes, come here, I want to ask you something.” She perked up for a second then grabbed his arm and dragged him into her room.

“God, Pidge you really need to clean in here,” Keith precariously stepped over the piles of stuff on the floor. “I don't think this place is up to any sort of fire safety code.”

“It’s organized chaos Keith, get with the program.” She leaned over her bed to grab her open computer, which was tangled in a number of wires. “Anyways, I was looking over the coding in the chip Coran found and I can’t tell if I’m missing something.”

“So why ask me? I know literally nothing about coding.”

“Obviously.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Pidge,” He leveled a look at the gremlin.

“No problem, always happy to help. You don’t know coding, but you do know strategy,”

“Uh..huh, and?” Keith was still lost with why she needed _him_.

“ _And_ implanting something in someone’s brain is crazy difficult, especially on a different species. So why would they go through all that trouble instead of just putting it in his arm or something?”

“Maybe so we couldn’t get it out?”

“But-” Both paladins heard a dull thump in the halls and looked towards the door. 

“What was that?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think anyone else was awake.” Keith started out of the room, Pidge right behind him.

The corridor had barely enough light to see, just enough for Keith’s Galra genes to catch a bit of movement coming from one room in particular.

“Lance?”

The figure froze, their shoulders bunched up like a teen caught sneaking out of the house past curfew.

Lance turned around slowly, “Heyyy, Keeithh. What’re you doing up this late?”

“Training.” Keith narrowed his eyes, “What are _you_ doing?”

“Oh, y’know, just getting a drink from the kitchen.”

Pidge stepped out from Keith’s shadow, “With all your stuff?” She glanced down at the bag Lance was carrying.

“A long drink...?” Lance shrugged cautiously.

“Give it up, Lance. Why are you trying to leave in the middle of the night?” Keith stepped forward angrily.

“Because I’d _thought_ there’d be less people awake at 1am and that seemed like a better option than midday.”

“Cut the crap, Lance. I’m serious. We want you to stay. What would have happened if you were gone when everybody woke up? Huh? Did you even think about that?” Keith got closer, his voice furious.

“Of course I thought about it!” Lance yelled at him, then immediately lowered his voice again, “Of course I thought about what would happen. How you would feel. I want to stay too… but I also want to keep you guys safe. You’re my team, and I can’t keep you safe if I’m a danger to all of you.”

Keith was close enough now to set his hand on Lance’s shoulder, “For the last time Lance, you’re not a-” 

“Let me leave. All of you promised me, you told me you’d let me leave if I was still dangerous to the team.”

“Yeah but I also told Shiro I wouldn't punch Iverson, _yet here we are_ .” Keith motioned with his hands, “Iverson’s only got one working eye and I’m definitely _not_ letting you leave.”

Pidge piped in after Keith, “Please, Lance, I’m working on something.”

“So?”

“ _So_ , It could help with the tracker in the chip. It would let us get back to being Voltron.”

Lance looked doubtful. Keith didn’t, “Lance, I believe in her. If she says she can make something to stop the chip, she can make something to stop the chip. Right, Pidge?” Both of the boys looked at her for the affirmation.

“I can. I know I can.”

Keith turned back to Lance, “So, just give us a chance to help you. Even just one night.”

“One night? Really? You think you can disarm high-quality alien tech in one night?”

Pidge smirked to hide her uncertainties, “Oh Lance, you should know by now not to doubt me.”

“We both know I’ll never learn, Pidge.” Lance looked at Keith seriously, “I’ll give you one night. One. Because I trust Pidge, not you Mullet-Man,”

“Good, then see you in the morning?” Pidge said hesitantly. Neither of them was leaving before Lance, just to make sure he stayed with them this time.

Lance sighed and rolled his eyes before he stepped back towards his bedroom door, “Yeah Pidge, see you in the morning.”

Once the door closed, Lance slid down to sit against the cool metal. He listened to his friends murmur and settle back to their rooms. 

Lance crossed his arms on top of his knees and rested his chin on them. He stared out at the dimness of his own room. It felt crowded and empty at the same time. It was blaringly bigger than the cell he’d been kept in. Yet every available surface was crowded and filled by knick-knacks and souvenirs that he’d found and kept, it just seemed like so much. 

Lance sighed deeply with resignation; there was no way he was sleeping tonight. He moved to the center of the room with a small grunt. 

He laid his back against the ground, breathed once and then sat up. Down. Back up. Down. Back up. Down. Up. Again. Again.

Again.

Again.

_9_

_Again,_

_10_

_Again,_

_11_

_Again,_

_12_

_Again,_

_13_

_Again,_

_14._

Again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 3! Initially this was going to be longer and I usually like ending it more dramatically but this seemed to have that je ne sais quoi about it. Hope you liked it! See you next time. A big plot thing is going to happen next chapter so I am kinda pumped about it. Of course, last time I said that on a fic I didn't update for a year and a half soooo.... fingers crossed.
> 
> Check out my tumblr,@snaileer


	4. Four Green Onions, Chopped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance finds something out and ends up having to tell the team before anyone else gets hurt.
> 
> Keith has a wicked right hook and no one on the team has a normal sleep schedule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really surprised I'm actually updating chapters somewhat regularly/frequently. This is unusual but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.
> 
> Tumblr: @snaileer  
> (This is also posted there)

Shiro strode down the castle hallways. Repeatedly. Maybe more like paced. But hey, it was like 4 am and he deserved to be a little stressed out. Waking up and calming yourself down from a panic attack was hard work. He missed having access to coffee.

He slowed down in front of Lance’s room. Keith would tease him for being an ‘overprotective space-dad’ but Shiro was worried about Lance. He wanted to help him, but how could he help Lance if he couldn't even help himself. Shiro had tried to support Lance but all that did was make him angry at him.

He was about to keep walking when he heard a mumble from inside the room. And then a groan. It sounded like someone was breathing really harshly.

Lance.

He must be having a nightmare. Shiro immediately jumped for the door.

“Lance-!” He stared at the empty bed in confusion before lowering his eyes to the ground where Lance was.. “Are you doing push-ups?”

“Shiro! What the hell?! Why are you running in here yelling at 2 am?”

“It’s 3 am. And because I thought you were having a nightmare. I wanted to help,” Shiro watched as Lance rolled and got up from the ground.

“Well, I’m not, so… All good.” Lance smiled hesitantly and did finger guns at him. Shiro raised an eyebrow and leaned back on his hip, Shiro was probably the last person Lance wanted to see right now but-

Lance sighed and dropped his hands as he turned his back to Shiro, “Look, if you wanted to help me you’d let me leave. Or at least spar with me.” 

“The first one I can't help you with,” Lance’s shoulders sagged a bit, “And I don't think you should be doing anything rough this soon.”

“Right, I forgot, _Shiro_ has to follow all the rules,” 

“Lance, we just don't want you to get hurt or-”

“You guys know you don't need to pity me, right? I’m not some fragile weakling who can't handle anything.”

“I know that-”

“Then why can’t you fight me? Was I really that bad when I came out of the pod?”

“No. I promise we’re not scared of you just because you lashed out a bit.” Shiro felt he had to compromise for Lance at least a little bit. He sighed, “As long as you’re careful, I think we can probably try some light training,” Shiro smiled, “If you’re not too tired.”

Lance turned around and he smiled a bit, “Oh, you know I’m not.” Lance and Shiro walked out of the room together, heading towards the training room. “And I bet I could beat you now,”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah for sure. I picked up some badass ninja tricks in my time ‘away’ from the team” Lance did air quotes around away, “And you’re probably the only one on the team I’ll actually feel comfortable sparring with, so I’m glad your mid-morning pacing brought you to my room.”

“You heard me?”

“Of course I heard you Shiro, I’ve learned to pay attention to whose footsteps are outside my door.” Lance threw a look at him. The implications of his words set Shiro on edge more than he would like to admit.

He tried to brush it off for another time, “And why am _I_ the only one you want to spar with?”

“Because I need to fight but I also need to know that I’m fighting with someone that can handle me if…” Lance’s voice tapered off as he looked down.

“If?”

“If I lose control.” 

Shiro stopped in his tracks, his voice small, “What?”

Lance stopped as well and turned back to him, though didn't look him in the eye. “Shiro, you and I both know how bad it gets in.. that place. And we know how hard it is to come out the same on the other side. I mean, you’re not fooling anybody with the ‘I wake up this early because I have self-discipline and military training.’ Plus, you were the one to snap me out of it when I got out of the pod and started throwing hands.”

“But you shouldn’t have to think about this stuff. You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”

“Neither of us deserved what happened to us. But it happened all the same and now we have to move past it.” Lance motioned down the hall, but Shiro wasn’t paying attention.

“But I should’ve protected you. I shouldn’t have let them take you, or even let them have the chance to get close to you. I was just so focused on getting out of there. Getting as far away from that ship as possible and I wasn’t paying enough attention and I shouldn’t have let you go off on your own.” Shiro stared down at his own hands, one that barely seemed like his most of the time.

“No,”

“What?”

“No.” Lance paused, “Shiro, you spent a year on that ship, I spent about three months there. Out of anyone on this team, I know what that place is, what it does to you; and there is nothing wrong with hating it. I _should_ hate it. So it is not your fault that you wanted to leave, we all make mistakes sometimes.” 

“But-”

“Especially when we’re afraid. Shiro, just for one second, put your massive guilt complex to the side. Please. For me?” Lance pulled out the big puppy dog eyes to pout at Shiro.

Shiro gave him a shaky smile, “Yeah, Lance, for you.”

“Great, now can we please go fight?” Lance motioned forward with his hands again.

“That’s the only reason I’m here, isn’t it?”

Lance’s fists clenched and unclenched as he followed Shiro down the hall. He felt guilty about pushing Shiro to fight with him... but doing sit-ups and push-ups all night could only cure his jitteriness so much.

“Yeah, it is.”

x--x--x

“Everybody get your lazy asses over to- Hunk! No- I don't want- Fine!” Pidge’s voice bellowed over the speaker system before fading into mumbled arguments.

Hunk’s voice came on afterwards, “What she _meant_ was: Can everybody please come to the kitchen? I made breakfast and Pidge has something to show all of us. Even though she’s being sour and won’t tell me what it is.” The last part sounded like it was spoken at someone else in the room rather than into the microphone.

“Well, _I’m_ sorry but I don't want to repeat-” The intercom clicked out Pidge’s muffled response.

Shiro looked down from the ceiling of the training room at the same time as Lance did. They made eye contact and stared at each other for a second before bursting into laughter.

“It’s good to know Hunk is still attempting to wrangle Pidge after all this time. ” Lance struggled out past laughter.

Shiro’s laughter wound down a bit at the comment, still chuckling, “Well, it was a little hard while you were gone, but it sounds like they’re bouncing right back. I don't know if I’m happy about the return of the fighting though.”

“Don’t worry, _Space Dad_ , you can always ground them.” Lance grinned

“Ooh, I am gonna kill Keith for telling you about that.” Shiro cursed his brother under his breath.

“Hah!” Lance inched towards the door, then smirked, “Who do you think told Keith?”

“No.” Shiro’s eyes narrowed in disbelief.

“Oh Yeah,” Lance smiled bigger.

“No…”

“Yep, _and_ I helped Pidge photoshop your Leap Year baby photos.”

“That was you!?”

“The very one!”

Shiro gasped in mock anger and lunged for Lance, but he was already running from the room, grabbing his jacket by the door before sprinting towards the kitchen.

Lance spotted Keith walking down the hall from his room.

“Keith!!” Keith paused to look back, “Shiro found out you told me his birthday!”

“Shit.” Keith turned and ran.

“Nooo! Keith, you were supposed to help me!”

“I grew up with him, it’s your turn!” He ducked into the relative safety of the kitchen, Lance close on his heels.

“Where’s Shiro? And why are you two so out of breath?” Hunk asked from next to the oven.

“Oh, don’t worry, he should be right along in-” Shiro burst in, “Now.”

“I can’t believe you, Lance!” Shiro yelled. Hunk dropped his pan in surprise and Pidge nearly fell off her perch on the counter at the sudden clatter.

“Sorry, I saw an opportunity and it was my obligation as a younger sibling to use it.” Lance shrugged.

“Ignoring whatever is going on there,” Pidge waved her hand at Lance hiding from Shiro behind Hunk, “I’ve got some information on the tracker.” Lance’s smile shrunk immediately and the room paused to look at her.

“What?” “What’d you find?” “Can you get rid of it?”

“Whoa, everybody slow down. Let her talk.”

“So I woke up early this morning-”

Lance interrupted her, “Seriously, was I the only one in this whole castle with a normal sleep schedule? Hunk’s already made breakfast and it’s only 6 o’clock,” He threw his hands up at the _second_ pan of space-pastries Hunk pulled out of the oven.

“Hey, you know I bake when I’m stressed. Or tired. Or worried.” 

“Believe me, it’s hard to forget when you force fed me _un pastelito_ every meal during finals week.” Lance moved to look at Hunk with crossed arms.

“Yeah..”

“And midterms,”

“Maybe..”

“And your history tests.”

“Hey, those are hard.”

“And your English project.”

“That was only once.”

“Okay! I think we’re getting off topic!” Pidge yelled.

“Oh, yeah. Pidge, what’d you find?” Hunk turned back to face her on the counter. Lance angrily bit into a pastry he’d snatched behind him. 

“As fun as watching Lance burn his tongue on space-jelly-filling is, I think we have a chance at getting rid of the chip.” Lance glared at her.

“So I woke up really early this morning because of something I discussed with Keith about the chip last night,” the group looked at Keith but he just shrugged, he knew just as much as the rest of them. “There’s no strategy in putting the chip in Lance’s brain.”

“Why would you ask Keith about strategy? His only strategy is run in, stab them and ask questions later.”

“Hey!”

“Well am I wrong Mullet-!?”

“I’m not done!” Pidge yelled again.

“Fine.” Both boys begrudgingly backed off each other.

“It’s too much work for just a tracker they could put anywhere, so I looked closer at _where_ they put it,” Pidge pulled up a hologram of Lance’s scan, “The temporal lobe.” 

“Isn't the temporal lobe in charge of smell, language and-?” Hunk joined in on the genius talk.

“Hearing. Yep, the primary purpose of the temporal lobe is auditory functions. And when I looked at the scan again, I found not one, but _two_ signals.”

Lance’s eyes widened.

“What? What’s the second one for?”

“That’s what I was thinking. One signal is outgoing,-”

“The tracker obviously,” 

Pidge hummed in agreement, “But the second signal has an internal destination.”

“Huh?”

“Precisely. Hunk, you’re the resident expert engineer, what does the design of this chip tell you?” Pidge passed the hologram to him.

“Well, first of all, the chip is attached mostly to the right temporal lobe, but these wires also connect it to the _left_ lobe and to the hypothalamus, but connection to both temporal lobes would only be necessary to create an equal simulation across _both_ auditory cortexes and Oh my gosh!” 

“Okay, that was a lot of science-tech words that I did not understand.” Keith pushed off the wall to move closer to the group.

“It _means_ that the ingoing signal from the chip is trying to broadcast a false sound directly to Lance’s auditory senses,-”

“Which are controlled within the temporal lobes,” It was almost creepy how Pidge and Hunk talked so much in sync.

“It’s _trying_ to broadcast, but it’s failing because the chip is malfunctioning. Otherwise, Lance would be hearing a high-pitched noise most or all of the time,” 

“It’s like it’s trying to cause constant tinnitus. We don’t know why yet, but the most important thing is we can exploit this malfunction to remove it.”

“Okay!” Shiro moved towards the tech pair to break them up, “ _One_ of you, talk. The other, please don't. My neck is starting to hurt from looking back and forth between you two nerds.”

“You say that like you’re not a nerd yourself, Shiro.” Shiro glared at Pidge to silence her.

“Ugh, fine. All yours, Pidge.” Hunk handed Pidge the hologram and leaned back against the counter to grumpily eat one of his pastries off the tray.

“If the chip’s not working properly, that may mean the Druids were unable to completely evaluate the human neurological system.” She zoomed out a bit to show the whole head scan, “Since the human brain is so complicated and everything is connected to everything else, this malfunction in the chip is probably rooted in its attachment and implementation. Which also creates a higher possibility of being able to get rid of the tracker without horrible brain surgery.” 

Pidge looked at the team, “And I don't think any of us are qualified to even _attempt_ brain surgery. Eh, maybe Coran could,” Coran smiled and posed at the attention, “So the better option would be to be able to hack into the external signal and shut it down remotely, which would limit the risk of brain damage and would-”

“It won't work.” Lance’s voice was quiet, though the small declaration quickly got everyone’s attention and they turned to him. He stood at the end of the counter, staring down at his hands.

“Yes, it will. I’ll _make_ it work.” Pidge growled back from the other end.

“No, _it won't_.”

“Goddamnit Lance!” Pidge slammed her tablet on the table, “Why won't you let us help you!? That’s all we’re trying to do! You’ve barely even come out of your room, except to try to sneak out in the middle of the night! And you won't tell us anything that happened! So if the only way I can help is to get rid of this stupid chip, then I’m going to do that!”

“I won't work,” Lance paused and looked up, “because the chip isn’t malfunctioning.”

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks.

“So you’ve been hearing-”

“See my hand right now?” Lance held his hand out over the countertop.

“Lance, what the hell does that have to do with-?”

“My hand is completely steady right now. And do you want to know why?” Lance clenched his hand into a fist, “It’s _steady_ because I goaded Shiro into fighting with me.”

“What?” The team looked at Shiro, but he only stared at Lance, who refused to meet his eyes. Lance pulled his hand back to his side.

“Why would you-” Shiro’s voice was filled with betrayal.

“Because you guys obviously wanted me to stay and doing hundreds of sit-ups in my room wasn’t working!” Lance yelled, “I _do_ hear that ringing. I hear that ringing constantly, everyday, all the time, except-” Lance raked his hand through his hair roughly, “Except when I fight.” He looked down in.. shame? 

Pidge and Hunk made worried eye contact but kept their mouths shut.

“When I fight, my head is finally clear. And I can think. And do things and feel and be _myself_ , and then it comes back.” He looked up at the ceiling with a pained fake-smile then glanced at the team with hard eyes “And it _always_ comes back.”

“I’ve tried everything to get rid of it. I tried meditating, breathing techniques, exercising, ignoring it, distractions; I even tried to drown out the sound myself! Short of slamming my head against a brick wall till my skull cracks, I don't know what else to do! I can’t even sleep unless I pass out from exhaustion! So yes!” Lance’s voice suddenly dropped, “Yes, I chose to fight. I chose it then and I chose it now. I chose the one solution I’ve found that works. And it works _one hundred_ percent of the time.”

“But why me? You _know_ I struggle fighting one on one without flashbacks.” Shiro sounded even more hurt.

“Partially because I was angry at you. Partially because you were there. Mostly,” he paused, “because I needed to feel like myself again. I needed to be able to hear myself think. And I wasn’t lying, I needed to know you’d be able to handle me if I went off the rails,”

“But?”

“But… I also knew I was going to go off the rails on purpose.” Lance finally tried to look Shiro in the eye, “Shiro, I-”

“Don't Lance. Not right now.” Shiro pushed past them and left the room.

Lance looked at the group. Pidge and Hunk looked somewhere between shocked and upset, Coran looked disappointed and sad, Allura looked appalled and Keith looked…

“How dare you!?” Keith threw his fist at Lance. He let the punch hit him and knock him to the ground.

“Keith,” the others moved to stop him but didn’t get close.

“You of _all_ people should know!” Keith yelled again before leaving to go after Shiro.

“Lance…” 

“No, it’s alright. I think I probably deserved that.” Lance wiped blood away from his nose as he got up. He looked at it on his hand for a second, “Hell, I definitely deserved more than that; but, uh, I think we should finish this some other time. Yeah?” 

Lance turned his back to them and left as well. He followed down the same hallway as Keith and Shiro.

He stopped behind a corner when he heard their voices in the hallway.

“Shiro, are you okay?”

“No! What he did wasn’t okay!” Lance flinched a bit at the sound of a metal fist hitting the wall.

“I know and you have the right to be angry at him right now.”

“Damn right I do. And I know that... it’s just, yeah, I’m angry at him for lying to me like that. Especially about something like this, but I’m also angry at myself,”

“You shouldn’t be, he’s the one that pushed you even though he knew.”

“You didn’t hear him earlier, Keith.”

“In the kitchen, yeah I-”

“No, before that, when he asked me to train with him. Looking back, he sounded almost...,” Shiro paused, “ _Desperate_.”

“What do you mean?”

 _He means addicted._ Lance ignored his thoughts and stayed quiet against the wall.

“I mean, at first, when he asked me I said no. And then he started saying all this stuff he was worried about and I thought, if I can give him this one thing, maybe he’ll keep talking like this. Maybe _he’ll_ end up better than I did. Maybe I can fix this. But he knew I’d give him what he wanted. He was just trying to use me Keith! How do I react to that!?”

“I don’t really think there’s any way you could have expected him to do this.”

“But that’s the thing, Keith. I should’ve. I should’ve expected it, I should’ve known. Just like when I got him captured, I wasn’t thinking about him, I was thinking about me. Again! I should’ve been able to tell this time. ”

“No, Shiro. The only way this could’ve been avoided is if he had told us about the ringing. This is on him. Not you.”

“No, it’s my responsibility-”

“Keith is right, y’know.” Lance finally turned around the corner to meet them. Keith’s face instantly went from gentle to furious again. “As much as I hate to say it, Keith is right, I should’ve told you guys.”

“I swear to God, Lance, are you looking to get punched again?”

“No the first time was enough, thank you.”

“Wait, Keith, you punched him?” Shiro glanced at his brother.

“Well, yeah, it didn’t look like you were going to. So why didn’t you tell us, Lance? I get we’re all having ‘hindsight is 20/20’ moments but something like that is kind of important.”

“I didn’t say anything because I thought it was just me.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t know it was the chip and I didn’t know why I suddenly felt the need to fight _all the time_. Why I was such a horrible person to be addicted to something as horrible as the Arena. I thought this was my punishment, for doing everything I did to get through the Arena. I was-,” Lance swallowed and looked away, “I was ashamed.”

Lance’s mind still told him he should be ashamed. That it _was_ his punishment and he would never-.

“Why the hell would you be ashamed for surviving in-” Keith started out angrily, but Shiro cut him off.

“Because you felt like a monster.” 

Lance’s head snapped back up to look at Shiro in surprise before glancing back down again. 

Shiro pushed past Keith to approach Lance. “You felt like a monster because you thought you were addicted to enjoying the fights.” Shiro said it like a realization, like he was finally recognizing something.

“How do you-?”

“Like you said earlier, Lance; I have a bit of experience with guilt complexes and carrying the weight of the world on my back.” Shiro set his hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“Hey!” Lance said with mock indignation, “I came here to apologize to _you_ , not the other way around.” Lance half-heartedly pulled away from Shiro’s hand, “I _am_ sorry by the way. I shouldn’t have done that to you. No matter the circumstances.”

“I can’t say I forgive you just yet, but at the very least, I _understand_.” 

“That’s all I can ask for Shiro.”

“Hey! I’m still mad at you!” Keith yelled from behind Shiro.

“I wouldn't expect anything less, Samurai!” Lance yelled back.

“Ugh. Come on Keith, I’m taking you away before you can hit him again.” Shiro was already dragging Keith down the hallway towards his room.

Lance briefly listened to the muffled arguments of ‘but he deserved it!’ and ‘that doesn’t mean you can hit our teammates for me.’ He gave a small smile.

He looked down at the slight tremble in his hands before shoving his fist roughly into the pocket of his jacket. A problem for another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats to those who guessed it, or got close to guessing it. I don't know how subtle I was though.
> 
> This chapter ended up longer and longer. Can't wait for next time. 
> 
> Also, please don't judge any of my Spanish skills. I looked them up, and checked it as best I could. But uh, like up until two years ago I thought sayonara was Spanish soooo.  
> (PS. It's Japanese.)


	5. One Tablespoon Lime Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voltron is free to travel once more.  
> Lance is a guilty, self-deprecating little merp and Keith is nosy.
> 
> Pidge is also a tech gremlin who has effectively entered Hunk as part of her hoard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started out not wanting to write this and then I was 4,000 words in and my life was falling apart. But hey, the creative process, am I right?
> 
> So I figured out when in the series this takes place. Right between Episode 7 and 8 in season 2. It's just after Space Mall that he gets taken.
> 
> Anyway, also, spoiler bit for trigger warning, dissociation at the very beginning and then some trippy nightmare sh*t towards the end. Cuz the best way to accurately write someone dissociating is when you're dissociating yourself. So that was fun.

Lance stared blankly at his team, each caught up in their own worlds. Pidge and Hunk discussing some new gadget. Allura and Coran discussing the castle. Shiro and Keith talking about... training probably. They were all together in the common room, but nobody was talking to anybody else. 

He felt fuzzy. Like he was empty, not bad empty. Just.. silence. The world felt muted. It felt like he was watching himself sit there. It was like he was another person, no emotions tethering him. It felt dangerously peaceful, something heavy sat in his stomach telling him it was wrong. 

They hadn’t done anything after yesterday, and he hadn’t slept last night, or since he’d been back. The sleep deprivation must be getting to him more than he thought it was. 

Lance still watched himself sit there, looking at nothing, seeing nothing. Nothing but haunting, eerie, calm that-

Lance winced harshly and grabbed his ears as he leaned over in pain. The others stopped and glanced over in worry.

“I’m fine, ignore it.” The words felt heavy to get out, like pulling his mind from a fog, though the ringing in his ears had already yanked him away.

The team hesitantly turned back to their conversations. And he pretended not to notice their inability to  _ subtly  _ glance at him.

_ ‘Ignore it.’  _ What wonderful, fantastic, completely  _ useless _ advice.

The ringing was barely even the problem, he could deal with this. It was the  _ nothing  _ that was bothering him. Doing nothing, talking about nothing, he was  _ bored. _

His leg started bouncing. 

He spread his arms out behind him and tapped his fingers on top of the couch backrest.

He looked around at the room, to his teammates. He glanced back and forth between each small group.

Screw this. Lance stood and left the room without a word, easily brushing off the questions that followed him out. He wasn't ‘leaving-leaving’ so they shouldn't get too worried about it. And it’s not like he was participating in any particularly riveting discussions with them.

It’s not like they were even having a moderately boring conversation with him.

It’s not like they were talking  _ to  _ him instead of about him. Or including him in anything.

It’s not like it was any different from when he left in the first place.

Lance ran his hand through his hair, feeling the small scab on his temple from his first moments back in the castle. He sighed,

To the training room it is then. Lance rolled his eyes,

Hooray.

x--x--x

Lance sagged against his bayard, using the barrel of the gun as a staff. He was exhausted, his breath was ragged and his muscles burned from overexertion.

Lance flinched harshly when the doors swished open. He blinked the blurriness out of his vision, and there stood Keith in all his mulleted glory. 

“Keith?”

“Oh, hey, Lance, I didn’t know you were in here.” Keith stood there stiffly, his words tight. The tension from yesterday had not disappeared completely yet.

“It’s fine, I just finished.”

“Really?”

“Yes, don't worry Samurai, I won't tell Shiro you’re in here. Train to your heart’s content. Or ‘til you drop. Whichever comes first.”

“Ha ha,” Keith said sarcastically, “I’m better at regulating my training now.” Lance gave him a doubtful eyebrow. “Most of the time,.” Another skeptical look, “Alright,  _ some _ of the time, but I’ve got it under control.” His voice got defensive.

“Okaay, whatever you say, Keith,” Lance spoke over his shoulder as he started towards the doors.

“Oh! Wait! I was supposed to tell you, we have a team meeting in an hour.”

Right. That.

“No problem. See ya’ there.” An hour was just enough time for a shower and a short face cleanse,  _ finally _ .

The shower immediately made him feel better. Lance stood under the showerhead for longer than necessary, feeling the water flow over his face and his skin. He missed the water. Missed being clean. He’d hated the dirt and grime of the cells, the terror of every second-

_ No, don’t think about that. Anything else. _

He shut off the faucet with a bit more force than necessary. Stepping out of the steam, Lance stumbled and braced a hand on the wall as a headache bloomed. He really needed to sleep, he could feel the dropoff point of exhaustion creeping up on him. Lance shook it off and wrapped himself in a towel, pointedly avoiding the mirror as he left the room.

He was relieved to find all of his facial supplies were still usable. The space-avocado face wash was a blessing he had longed for in captivity. There were a lot of things he had wished for in-

_ Nope. Nope. Nope nope nope. Other things. Puppies. And rainbows. Properly cut mullets. _

Lance quickly moved his thoughts away, forcibly humming  _ ‘These Are A Few of My Favorite Things’ _ under his breath as he washed the avocado cream off. He glanced up at the mirror in habit. His eyes caught his own reflection.

His wet hair was still stuck in weird spikes and plastered to his forehead. Before, he might have fussed about it drying like that. Now: he was still annoyed by the mangled haircut, but his eyes focused on the scars.

Lance had managed to protect his face relatively well. There was still a few marks he hadn't managed to avoid. 

The scab on his right temple. From Keith’s knife when he got out of the pod.  _ To remind him he was here. _

The grooved slash at his hairline. From being thrown across the room by Zarkon.  _ To remind him of his place. _

The small nicked mark on his neck. From his first fight.  _ To remind him to survive _ .

The short rough scar at the bridge of his nose.

From the muzzle.

_ To remind him of obedience. _

Lance’s eyes lingered on that one. He remembered it well, though it was the least noticeable. It was barely there, visible if you looked but easier to feel. Lance ran his finger across it. It was short, probably less than an inch long in total. But it was the implications that gave it weight.

Because it looked exactly like Shiro’s.

Lance finally pulled himself away from the mirror, deciding it was best to ignore his other scars. He got dressed again, just in time to be...  _ very _ late to the team meeting.

Crap.

Lance was still pulling on his jacket as he ran down the hall. He came to a rolling stop in front of the bridge doorway.

“-still has no punctuality.” He heard Keith’s voice first when the doors opened automatically. 

“Sorry I’m late. I did remember it though,” Lance announced as he entered.

“It’s fine, Lance. Keith complains but he was only ten minutes earlier than you.” Shiro said from behind Pidge’s chair.

“Thanks, Shiro.” Lance gave him a grateful smile, Shiro nodding in response.

“Don't tell him that!” Keith burst out at the same time.

“What? It’s true.” Shiro smiled cheekily at his brother.

“Yeah, _ I  _ know that but-”

“I’ve got it!” Pidge’s exclamation called everybody’s attention to her. Her paladin chair was surrounded by gears and random metal pieces with various pop-up holograms. Hunk among them as well.

The momentary pause as they moved to Pidge made Lance realize he still had the headache from getting out of the shower. The bags under his eyes felt heavier, he would need to rest at some point soon.

“So, yesterday, after, ahem,” Pidge cleared her throat awkwardly, glancing at Lance, “ _ breakfast _ . I started going over the old missions, including  _ that _ mission.”

“And why were you looking at that mission?” Shiro’s space-dad came out to scold her.

“Because I was hit by a wave of guilt and decided to indulge my self-destructive tendencies. Why else?”

“Pidge, we’ve talked about-”

“ _ Anyways _ . I was also looking at the rescue mission and the EMP device we used. And I realized that if I could miniaturize and focus the pulse onto the chip, I might be able to shut it down-.”

“So do it. Let’s get this show on the road.” Lance stepped closer, eager to get this over with. Allura moved to give him space.

“Let me finish, Lance. I could shut it down temporarily. And even then, it’s risky. A high-level electromagnetic pulse aimed directly at your brain? There’s too many possible consequences and too many variables.”

“So why tell us about this at all?” Keith snapped.

“Because it’s still  _ useful _ .” She barked back, before taking a deep breath, “It could be useful in times we need him asleep. Like in the pod, or when we  _ can _ get rid of the chip.” She glared at Keith sharply, “I did make something else though. A way to stop the tracker  _ within  _ the chip.”

“Then you can stay, Lance,” Hunk looked at his friend hopefully, “We can be legs again!”

“Can’t wait, bud,” Lance  _ could  _ wait for it, he wanted to. Yes, he loved being a part of Voltron, but he didn’t even know if Blue would still accept him. He was afraid to find out.

“So I was working the design to be small and compact, Hunk helped me with that, and we made it into a bracelet.” Pidge pulled a small box out from among her things, handing it to Lance. 

Inside the box was a grayish bracelet, it was about 2 inches long, went all the way around and- 

“How am I going to get this on my wrist? There’s no gap.” Lance looked from the box back up to Pidge.

“Ooh! That’s the coolest part!” Pidge jumped up from her seat to grap the bracelet from him.

“A bracelet that blocks radio-waves across the galaxy from a magic chip in my head, and  _ that’s _ the coolest part?” Lance looked at her doubtfully.

“Of course. Watch this,” She tapped an almost invisible button on the bracelet and a piece slid away. She used the newly appeared gap to put it on Lance’s wrist. Then, another tap of the bracelet and it slid closed again. A red light blinked on.

“My, that is pretty cool, number five.” Lance held his arm up for Coran as he leaned in to look. 

The weight on his arm felt familiar. And, bonus points for perfectly covering his weird tan lines.

“Any chance we can make it blue?” Pidge glared at him like he’d destroyed her honor, Lance put his hands up, “Yeesh, fine, no blue.” He turned it wrist back and forth, the bracelet really did fit perfectly. “I really like it, Pidge. Thank you.” He gave her a small smile, “And you’re sure it’ll work?”

“Yes, I perfectly calculated it to the chip’s signal, which was crazy hard to say the least. I’ve never seen a signal like that before. It functions like a cell phone call, but both receiving and sending were the same signal. It really shows the advances of alien technology and the push that space travel must have had to be able to communicate over the distance of galaxies. It’s incredible, really!” Pidge smiled in amazement at the technology.

“I’m definitely not as excited as you about this chip. I’m probably gonna melt it to bits the second I get the chance.”

“But what about the tech?! I have to study it!” Pidge pleaded.

“But what about the- no,” He mocked her then dropped his voice at the end, “Fire. Lots of fire. Maybe even a blowtorch. I don’t know. I’ll get creative, have a bit of fun with it.” He gave her a tense smile.

“But the possibilities of-”

“So, bracelet… it works?”

“Yeah, it works,” she grumbled, “All I have to do is turn it on.” Pidge reached over and clicked something on the bracelet. The red light turned green.

“How does it have power? Will it ever run out of charge?” Keith asked as he stepped up to the group.

“Nope, tiny balmeran crystal, right at the heart of it,” Hunk said proudly, “Courtesy of Shay from our last visit.”

“Whoa, when did Shay start giving you gifts? I  _ so  _ don't remember that from last time.” Lance piped in, elbowing Hunk with a smirk. Everyone’s face dropped. “What? What’d I say?”

“Nothing. Just... while you were gone, we had to make a trip to the Balmera. Had to save the whole planet actually. It wasn't easy, especially-.” Hunk looked down, “Especially without the Blue lion.” 

“What? What happened? When did-?” Lance stood straighter. The team looked at each other, wondering if they should tell him, “Guys, I’ll be fine. Just tell me what happened. I need to know.”

“It was still pretty soon after you got.. y’know…” Hunk started wringing his hands together, “And uh, we were looking for you when we got a distress call from Shay’s Balmera.” He looked back at Lance, “We almost didn’t go.”

“But you did  _ go _ , right?” Lance looked at the others, they avoided his gaze, “You did your job, right?” His tone was harsh, “You  _ saved  _ people, like Voltron is supposed to, right? You didn’t sacrifice a planet just to look for  _ me _ ,  _ right _ ?”

“We did go, Lance-,” Shiro tried to reason.

“But by the time we got there… the beast had already destroyed so much.” Keith still felt guilty about it, mostly because he had voted against going at all. He still didn’t know if that was the right choice. Or if he regretted it.

“The beast? What Beast?”

“The robeast we fought before; the one that got encased in crystal by the Balmera,” Keith explained, “It broke free and used the crystals as power sources.” 

“And flying shields, which has got to be one of the most infuriating things Voltron’s ever fought,” Pidge chimed in from her chair.

“Wait, Voltron? You guys were able to form Votlron without me?” Lance had heard rumors of a full voltron in the cells, but he’d hoped they were false. That he wasn't as easily replaceable as that. That he  _ did _ contribute to the team, but if Voltron could form without him-.

“Barely,” Keith scoffed, “Blue was more temperamental than Red about Allura flying her. Even when we did form Voltron, we were hardly at full power. And we fell apart seconds after defeating it.”

“It’s true. Though the Blue Lion is the most friendly, I fear we are not as great a match as I had previously believed.” Allura looked saddened by the prospect.

“So the rumors I heard? About Voltron resurfacing?”

“Only a few times,” Pidge climbed out of her chair to sit on the armrest, “It was so draining that none of us could sustain it for long without serious damage.”

“I wish I had been there. We could have stopped it. Voltron wouldn’t have been late.” Lance could only feel useless at the idea of Shay hurting because he couldn't be there when he was supposed to be.

“It’s alright. There’s nothing we can do about it now.” Shiro was the first to get back up, “We have you back and that’s all that matters, right?”

“No, Shiro! That’s not all that matters! An entire planet was hurt because  _ I _ couldn’t be there. Because I-” Lance’s voice cracked, “I couldn’t-”

“Exactly, you  _ couldn’t _ . You would have been there if you could. You would have tried to help any way you could. You always do.” Shiro stepped towards Lance, but he stepped away. He glanced around at the others looking at him with worry.

“Yeah, sorry guys, but uh- I think I’m just gonna hit the hay,” His words shook with the devastation in his eyes, “I’m pretty tired and-” Lance cleared his throat to try and steady his voice, “Thanks for telling me though, I’ll see you at breakfast.” He backed out of the room with a weak wave, dutifully ignoring the lump in his throat.

Lance quickly turned towards his room. He hoped the team would be too awkward to follow him. Lance scrubbed at his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears before they could fall. 

_ Later _ . Cry  _ later _ . 

“Dang it, Lance,” He mumbled under his breath, “You don’t have time for this now.” He sniffed and tried to take a deep breath, “Yeah, it’s no big deal. Just an entire planet you _abandoned_.” He stepped into his room, letting the doors swish close behind him.

“Gah! I knew it!” He swung his fist at the wall. The mental dented, but didn’t crush like drywall. “I knew something would happen! God, I’m so stupid! Thinking everything would be okay for just three months!” He paced around the room, throwing his hands in frustration. “But nooo, the world needs Voltron!” Lance dropped onto his mattress with a sigh, “And you don’t even have the guts to tell your own team that you can't-!” His voice lowered, “that you can't even connect to the Blue Lion anymore. That you haven’t heard her since…,”

_ Since the druids. _

“You really screwed it up this time, Lance.” He put his arm over his eyes as he laid on the bed. It felt squishier than he remembered. He’d nearly thrown a fit at how uncomfortable Altean beds were, but still, it felt too soft. Like he was laying on marshmallows, the stuffing swallowing him up.

“And now,” He sighed again and sat up, “You’re so worked up you can’t sleep. Great job on that one.” He was tired from days without sleep, but his brain wouldn’t let him relax, not yet.

Lance considered his options as his eyes flashed around the room. No one would notice if he didn't go to bed right away. They were probably still on the Bridge with Team Punk.

He poked his head out of his door. The hallway was empty. 

Good.

Lance dropped his jacket next to the pillow he’d knocked to the floor and then closed the doors. A short run, a couple laps maybe. Just to tire him out. Get rid of the small ringing in his ears and then he could sleep.

Finally.

He jogged off towards the abandoned sections of the ship. Not even Coran had bothered to clean up the  _ whole _ castle.

The deserted corridors worked well for running laps, and he picked up speed with each round.

_ You can make it to 25 laps. _

_ 50’s not that far from 25, you can do that much. _

_ That’s only half of a hundred, you can do three quarters, go 75. _

He kept reasoning away more laps. First in groups of 25, then in tens, fives; just one more.

_ One more. _

_ One more. _

_ Keep going. _

_ Always keep going! _

_ Go! _

He paused against the wall, leaning on it for support. His breath harsh and rough in the silence.

His limbs felt like jelly, his mind focused itself on making it back to his room.

His vision zoomed in and out of focus as he walked. He might have, just maybe pushed himself a bit too far. Again.

When he made it to his room, the doors had barely shut before he collapsed to the floor. He curled up against the wall, pulling his jacket over him and bunching up the pillow as the lights dimmed automatically.

His mind was quiet with exhaustion as he fell asleep to the hum of the castle’s machinery.

The hum morphed into a buzz, growing louder and more familiar until it sounded more like,... 

Cheering?

Lance looked around, seeing Pidge and Shiro on the floor behind him. They were in a Galra control room. He’d been here before. He knew this room. It was the mission when he’d been-

“It’s the Arena.”

Lance turned to Shiro’s voice. They were looking at a screen. It was footage.  _ A recording of the Arena, _ his mind told him _. _

He moved closer, trying to make out the figures fighting.

It was  _ him _ . 

He was there, on the screen. They could see him fighting. No no no no no. 

_No! I don’t want them to see me! I don’t want them to see this!_ _I don't want to see this._

He looked back up, he was in the Arena now. He wasn’t just watching it. His team could see him, they would hate him. 

But then he noticed his opponent.

“Lance! What are you doing!?” Hunk screamed at him. His body moved on its own.

He couldn’t stop it.

“Hunk! Hunk, you have to move! Run! Please!” Hunk dodged, stepping behind him. Lance’s body kept moving, kept attacking his best friend-

No, wait.

It was Pidge. Pidge was behind him when he turned around. And she was crying. No, she was screaming. He couldn’t tell, could barely hear her past his own apologies.

She begged him to stop, but he didn't. 

“Why can’t I control myself!? What’s wrong with me?!”

_ “Nothing’s wrong with you now, Paladin. I fixed you, remember?” _ Haggar’s voice reached through his mind. He could see her in front of him, standing there. They were in a dark room, she was hurting him. Torturing him-

He swung at her, but his fist hit Coran. He  _ hurt Coran _ . Coran was trying to help him. He was with the team, _ not Haggar. _

How did he forget that?

“No, no no no, I’m so sorry Coran, I thought you were-” Lance reached for him, but he flinched away from him in fear. 

“I thought of you like a son, my boy.”

“Wait, Coran, I didn’t mean-”

“What have you done!?” He turned around to see Allura running at him. Her energy whip in hand. “Why would I ever like you!? You’re not worthy of being a paladin!” She attacked him, his skin burned where her whip hit. He screamed, but now he  _ couldn’t _ move. He was stuck there, chained, frozen to his spot.

Allura brought down her whip again, and then it was Shiro. It was Shiro’s prosthetic, they were training together. He blocked Shiro’s hit. They were fighting on the castle. But no, no. 

Lance was lying to him.

“How could you do that to me, Lance? How could-”

“I didn’t think-!”

“Exactly! You never think! You don't do anything! Voltron doesn’t need you!” Shiro was walking away from him. Leaving him behind.

“Wait, Shiro! I-” He reached for his shoulder, Keith turned around.

“Lance, why are you doing this!?” Keith fell back against the sand of the Arena, his face bloody. Lance did that. He can’t control himself. “Lance! Please stop!”

_ “You’ll always come back, Paladin.” _ Lance could hear Haggar, but he couldn’t see her this time,  _ “It always comes back here.” _

“Lance!” Keith screamed again.

“I can’t- I can’t control- I don’t know-I’m sorry, I’m sorry” His mind screamed against his body, but he kept attacking. “I don't know how to stop this! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m so-”

“Lance, get up!” Suddenly, Keith had the upper hand. He was losing. No no no. 

_ I can’t lose! I can’t lose in the Arena! If I lose- _

“Lance!” Keith was on top of him, he was going to die. He had to fight, he couldn't lose; not now, “You’ve got to wake up!” Lance flipped Keith off of him, expecting the spray of sand as Keith hit the ground. 

But the light of the Arena disappeared, it was dark. There was no sand. No blood. No jeering crowd. 

Keith was still below him. 

He looked terrified.

Lance scrambled away, his back hitting the wall. The cells, he was back in the cells. Why was he- How was-

Lights flicked on, illuminating the room. 

His room. On the castle. 

Not the cells. 

He wasn’t  _ there _ , he was rescued, safe back on the castle. Which meant-

“Keith,” Lance paused, “I’m so sorry.” He dared a glance at Keith. A bit of tension eased from his shoulders at Keith’s face. Clean, not bloody. He was worried and scared, sure, but at least he wasn’t hurt. Not that Lance could tell at least, “Are you okay?”

Keith finally sat all the way up from the floor, “I should be asking you that, Lance.” He reached a hand towards him, Lance pushed himself farther against the wall.

“Did I hurt you?” Keith’s face saddened but he recovered quickly, covering up the pity as he pulled his hand back.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve had the wind knocked out of me before. This one’s on me, I shouldn’t have grabbed your arm like that when you were having a nightmare.”

Oh. It was a nightmare. Bits and pieces flashed through his mind. He cringed internally, a bad one too.

“Why were you sleeping on the floor by the way?” Keith motioned to the wrinkled pillow and his jacket laying on the floor.

He glanced at his mattress, “The bed’s uncomfortable.” He looked to Keith, “Why’d you wake me up?”

“What?” 

“Why are you in here?” Lance stood up and brushed off his pants, “Why’d you wake me up?” 

“Because you were having a nightmare???” Keith twisted a bit as Lance walked past him to get to his jacket.

“God! What is with you people barging into my room because you think I’m having nightmares?” 

Keith jumped up angrily, “The hell does that mean!? What; you want us to just let you suffer like that?!”

“YES!” Lance whipped around to face Keith.

“And why would we do that?! You were obviously in a lot of pain, you were screaming!”

“Maybe! But at least I was asleep!” Lance yelled at him, “This is first I’ve slept since I’ve been back, so who cares if I have a nightmare!”

“ _ We _ care, Lance!”

“But I don't! Feel my heart right now,” Lance yanked Keith’s hand and pressed it against his chest, “My heart is  _ still _ pounding, and it’s enough to silence the ringing. I literally have to work myself to exhaustion just to sleep at all!”

“We just want to help you!”

“Well you’re not! I had to figure how to deal with this on my own! And I did. I know what works for me and what doesn't!” Lance jammed his finger at Keith, “And  _ you _ don't.”

“Because you don’t tell us anything, Lance!” Keith shouted, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re not exactly including us right now! You leave without saying anything! You brush off our questions and you train for hours on end!”

“Oh, and since when did you become Mr. Team Player all of a sudden! Huh? High and Mighty Lone Wolf Keith! You wouldn’t know teamwork if it slapped you upside the head! And you don't know me, you don't know my reasons for doing things. I don't have to explain myself to you,  _ Kogane _ .”

“No, you don't, but it would be nice if you at least tried!”

“If you’re gonna force me to change, just take me prisoner and make it official.” Lance’s tone dropped dangerously.

“That wasn't what I-” 

Lance shoved past him with his shoulder, “Next time, just don't wake me up.” He stepped out into the hallway, leaving Keith behind as the door closed between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Thank you for those that give kudos!  
> And Thank you to those that make comments!


	6. Two Cloves Of Garlic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and water go together better than anything in the world and he is the True Blue Paladin.  
> We heart the Blue LIon.
> 
> Hunk is nosy but a good friend  
> and Pidge's calculations change the game.

Okay, Lance had definitely not thought through the whole ‘angrily stomp out of the room and leave Keith stunned behind him’ thing. Mostly because now Keith was in  _ his  _ room and Lance had nowhere else to be at five in the morning. It was still a good 2 hours until anyone was  _ supposed _ to be awake.

What that really meant was everybody still had 2 hours of productive free time until they’d agreed Allura was allowed to  _ beckon _ for them. God, he wished he hadn’t argued for the extra hours of ‘beauty sleep’ now. Even if sleep was all he wanted to do.

Still, maybe the time would give him an opportunity to shake off the lingering heaviness of his nightmare.

Lance fiddled with the bracelet on his arm. Pidge really was their very own genius extraordinaire. It was measured perfectly to his wrist. Which was saying something, because he had itsy-bitsy crazy thin wrists. From his Mom’s side.

His siblings had teased him relentlessly for having ‘dainty’ wrists. Ha! Lance smiled to himself at the thought. If only his family could see him now; he would absolutely  _ destroy _ them in arm-wrestling.

He might even be able to beat Marco, but his brother had-

The ringing surged, “Ah!” Lance stumbled to the side with his head in his hands. His elbow hit the wall and he yanked back immediately, “OooooH! Mmmm- ! Mother trucker!” His arm tingled with pins-and-needles as he lost balance and fell to the floor.

“Lance!?”

Shiro? 

Shiro. 

He ran down the hall towards Lance, “Lance! What’s wrong?”

“I hit-” Lance hissed in pain again, “I hit my funny bone.” He cradled his left arm against his chest.

Shiro froze in surprise, until he started to shake. Within seconds Shiro stopped trying to contain his snickering and was laughing outright.

“Shiro!” Lance said scandalized, “Stop laughing at me! The funny-bone hurts!”

Shiro was laughing so hard he was wheezing, “I’m sorry,” he could barely get a word out, “It’s just so  _ funny! _ ”

Lance dropped his head against the ground with a thump. “It’s  _ still  _ tingling!” He whined into his chest, sounding for all the world like a petulant child. Which only made Shiro laugh harder.

-x-

Now, Coran had seen some things in his days. He’d seen stars and galaxies and war and peace, applez and orranges, kings and queens. The rise of civilizations. The fall of planets. The lives in between them. 

Still, it was quite a sight to come upon the blue and black paladins in the hallway of his castle. One rolling on the ground in pain and the other laughing uncontrollably at his friend.

“Paladins?”

“Coran!” Shiro managed to talk as he tried to catch his breath.

“What is the meaning of this, Number one?”

“Lance, hit his-” he wheezed again, “funny bone,” A giant smile still plastered across his face.

Lance shouted out next to him, “There’s nothing funny about the funny bone Shiro!”

“There is for me!” 

“Would you like some help, Number Three?” Coran asked as he walked in front of Lance on the floor.

“ _ Dios mio _ , yes! Please!” Lance took Coran’s hand to pull himself back up, still rubbing his elbow as he glared at Shiro.

Coran shook his head, “I don't think I will ever understand you humans, you’re a very…  _ unique _ breed.” 

“Don't even try with this one. The funny bone is the most useless, pointless thing the human body ever came up with,” Lance stated the fact like it was his greatest enemy.

“I’ll have to disagree with you there, Lance, because that was  _ exactly  _ what I needed this morning,” Shiro smiled smugly.

“You shouldn't even be awake this early!”

“Oh, but I am. And I will never forget this. Oo-!” Shiro hummed with a discovery, “But thank you for reminding me! I was hoping to catch up with you to go over the Blue Lion.”

Lance’s playful smile dropped.

“You have Olympic talents for dampening a mood, you know that right?” 

“I  _ have _ been told that once or twice.” Shiro smirked, “And yet we’ve still got to do it.” He latched his hand onto the back of Lance’s jacket.

Lance’s mind worked overtime to try and figure a way out. He couldn’t confront Blue, not after everything that happened. Everything that  _ he’d  _ done.

“A unique breed indeed,” Coran murmured as he watched Shiro continue to half-drag Lance towards the hangers.

“See you at breakfast, Coran!” Shiro waved at him before turning a corner.

“Hey! There’s an option: breakfast! Y’know… eat, talk... not mess with the Blue Lion.” Lance tried to smile.

Shiro infused his voice with false cheer, “Sure, sounds like a great idea! If you’re willing to  _ talk  _ now,” Lance cringed, “Didn’t think so.” 

Shiro stopped them in front of the hangar doors, his shoulders sagging a bit, “Listen, Lance, I get the whole not wanting to share with us thing. I don't like talking about my experiences either.” He sighed, “I know it would probably help to talk about it, we both know that, but we also know how hard that is.” Shiro made pointed eye contact with Lance, “So if we’re not going to work on the emotional, then we’ve got to work on the logical. And that means the Blue Lion.”

“Or…” Lance mock shrugged with his hands, “how ‘bout we don't and say we did?” 

Shiro raised a judgemental eyebrow.

“Fine, fine,” Lance raised his arms in surrender, “Didn’t think that one would work anyways,” he grumbled, “All I wanted was some sleep.”

Stepping up to the hanger door felt more ominous than usual. But when they opened, Blue was just as amazing as he remembered.

And her barrier just as strong.

Shiro followed him into the room as he slowly made it to the particle shield.

“Hey, Baby Blue,” he paused to look up at her eyes, “Miss me?” 

Lance rested a hand on the barrier, trying to feel her in his mind. She used to be a constant presence. Always there to reassure him, to push him further, to help him be  _ better _ . 

Now?

Now, as he searched for her connection, Lance could feel the walls between them.

Now, as he desperately hoped for even a sliver of her peace, there was nothing.

_ Now _ , as his fears were silently confirmed, Lance knew he’d been cut-off from her.

“Sorry, Shiro, it’s just not happening,” He pulled his hand back from the shield quicker than necessary. He hurried to get out of the hanger and alone.

“It’s okay, Lance, I was planning on a bonding session today anyways,” Shiro smiled gently and followed after him.

Lance spun to face him, “Why?! Because you knew this wouldn’t work?!”

Shiro was started back a bit, “No, I just-”

“Don’t worry! I knew it wouldn’t work, too! Of course it wouldn’t work! Why in the wide wide world of Webkinz would Blue ever want  _ me _ back?! She wouldn’t! I don't even know why any of  _ you _ want me back! You have Allura now! She’s  _ literally _ a magical alien princess! How can I compare to that?!”

“We want you back because you're our friend, Lance. You’re the only one comparing yourself to Allura,” Shiro tried to comfort him, tried to fill in those insecurities and worries. He’d seen them in Lance before, known they were there, but they’d grown since he’d been...  _ taken _ . “We told you: Blue barely let Allura fly her,  _ you _ are the Blue paladin. Not anybody else.” 

“Well somebody forgot to tell  _ her  _ that! Did you know I can feel the walls between us? I can literally feel everything that’s stopping me from connecting to her. To my  _ lion _ . Can you even imagine that? I wish I could help you, but maybe I’m not even meant to be a paladin anymore.”

“No, that’s not true, Lance. I know it’s not. Please, just come to the training today. We’ll try this again, and-”

“Don't you get it, Shiro?! It’s not going to work! We can keep trying, but it’ll never work because she  _ shut me out _ ! She cut me off!” Lance’s voice saddened, “Completely.” 

“We can’t be sure of-”

“Fine! I’ll be there. But I’m not promising anything,” Lance turned his back to Shiro, “So don't get your hopes up.” He left the hangar quickly, pushing himself farther and farther away from the Blue Lion. Further into the abandoned darkness.

Lance curled his arms around himself in the empty hallways, but kept walking. A weight settled in his chest. Accumulating from the nightmare, the fight and,  _ Blue _ . He was so  _ tired _ .

The density of the heartache slowed him to a stop in front of the observatory, doors opening automatically.

Oh, how he missed the stars.

He’d been in space for probably more than a year now and he’d spent three months without seeing the stars. Without a window once the entire time.

The tablet-pad in the wall told him he still had an hour ‘till he was needed for anything. The massive window ledges called to him. They were hard, but wide enough and long enough for him to lay on them.

Lance stared out at the space beyond the glass. The infinite universe of stars and planets and cultures.

And silence. Without muddling noise or cheering crowds or hushed whispers or dying fear. 

Just calm, clear silence.

A roar thundered through his mind, and he shot upwards, his eyes snapping open. When had he dozed off?

Fading growls echoed in his ears. Quickly being replaced by the ringing.

He just wanted a moment. Just to relax. To relax without shrill screams lingering in the background. He just wanted to escape it. Escape what it pushed him towards. Escape what it made him do. 

_ Not now. Not now. Not now.  _

_ Not yet. _

Lance worked to calm himself down. It’d been worse than this before and it’d be worse again. He just had to move around it. 

Lance climbed off the window ledge and made his way to the wall tablet. He had to get to breakfast with the team. 

God, Keith would be there. 

God,  _ Shiro _ would be there. He has the actual worst planningever. Two fights in as many hours with people he literally  _ can’t  _ avoid.

“Ugh, breakfast is gonna be  _ so _ awkward,” Lance groaned and then forced himself towards the dining room.

He was correct. Breakfast was insanely awkward. Both Keith  _ and  _ Shiro were there and he pointedly avoided making eye contact with them. 

By staring at his goo. 

Shiro cleared his throat, “So, today’s gonna be a training day. Just to get back in the rhythm.”

Ah, green goo. 

“Of working together.”

Very…. 

“As a team.”

Green.

“Including a bonding session.”

Much goo. Very wow.

“Lance, unless you’ve discovered the secrets to Voltron in your goo, please listen to me.”

Lance lifted his eyes in a deadpan look, “I  _ am _ listening and the goo says 42. I said I’d do it so let’s do it.” His chair scraped against the floor when he stood up. He wished it’d been louder.

“I really don't think mind-melding is something I want to do right after eating.” Hunk protested as he collected bowls to drop off in the kitchen.

“We’re not going swimming Hunk, you’ll be fine,” Pidge patted his shoulder in reassurance.

Once everyone had left the kitchen, they headed straight for the training room. Lance ahead of them, leaving tension in his wake. He just wanted this whole mess of a day to be over already.

Coran handed them the headbands in silence and they all sat together again. The same pattern as their first day as Voltron. But everything else was different, so very different.

“This is going to be a bit of a change from last time, since we’re trying to focus on just Lance. I’ve adjusted the headbands to compensate.” 

“Let’s just get this over with.” Lance put his headband on, watching the others do the same.

“Relax and breath.” 

Lance gritted his teeth against the ringing, he could handle it for now. For this.

“Let your minds connect. The flow between each of you is crucial to your bond as Voltron.”

Hunk reached out first, feeling the link snap into place. Except one. Something blocked him from Lance’s mind.

He tapped it, pressing curiously and shifting around the edges. Searching for the roots and the boundaries of it.

Pidge was second, she hit the wall harder than Hunk had, then followed his lead. Working to discover the problem. To learn.

“Lance, why aren’t you letting us in? You have to let us in for this to work at all.” Pidge snapped at him.

“Yes, I know that. But I can’t feel you guys,” Lance grumbled back.

“Then what’s wrong? Why can't we get in?” Keith argued as he banged against the mental block, trying to force it away.

“I don't know. I can’t feel  _ any  _ of you.”

“Just keep trying, I know we can do this,” Shiro pushed against the barrier between them, the team following suit.

“I can feel you guys now. Just a little.” Lance’s words sounded tight.

“It’s working, just a bit farther,” Hunk urged. They pressed harder

“I- I don't know guys,” Lance paused for a second, his team didn't, “I think I have a headache-” Lance gasped.

A pulse shot through the wall, slamming into the paladins, forcing them out of the bond, 

“GET. OUT. OF. MY. MIND!!” 

It smashed against them, knocking them back forcefully.

Hunk wheezed from his place on the floor, 

“owww.”

Everyone else groaned in agreement.

“Gaaah!” Lance shouted from his seat, pressing his palms to his temples in pain, “This doesn't make any- what was- but it didn't-”

“Hey, Lance, Lance, come on. What’s happening?” Shiro moved forward quickly on one knee, grabbing hold of his shoulders and trying to get him to look up. “Lance, what was that?”

“I don't know. I don't know what happened. But the moment you guys got pushed back, I remembered something.” Lance shook his head roughly.

“What?” Shiro let go of him and rocked back in surprise.

“You never said you had memory blanks.” Pidge pointed out at him from propped up on her elbows.

“I didn't- I  _ don’t. _ ” Lance tried to guarantee that as fact for himself, “But for a moment, when something lashed out at you, a memory came through. But it can't be mine. It can’t be.”

“Why not?”

“Because I haven’t forgotten anything! I hate it; but I remember everything!” Lance jerked out his hands, “I counted. I measured. I numbered every. single. day. At most I was off by a week, maybe two. But this isn't- It doesn't fit.”

“Wait, Lance, how long did you count?” This time it was Pidge that approached him. Getting as close as she could with her hologram wrist gauntlet.

“Ninety-one.” Pidge’s face dropped, checking her screen, “I was there for ninety-one days and I remember every goddamn one of them!”

“Wait but 91 days is only-” Hunk started in the background, but Pidge quickly interrupted.

“Ninety-one days only adds up to about three months.”

“And?”

“And you were missing for  _ six  _ months. Not three.” Pidge flipped around her hologram to show the numbers ticking past days on the calendar, finally stopping at 182.

Six Months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter but I just found such an amazing cliffhanger so... that's how it happened.
> 
> I also ended up writing this all in like one sitting not even kidding. I sat down like, 'hey, I better get started on Chapter 6' *spongebob voice* several hours later 'And chapter is DONE.'
> 
> Thank you so much! It's crazy how many people are reading this, I appreciate all of you and your support keeps me writing.


	7. One Teaspoon of Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A beatdown waiting to happen. And ooh it happens.  
> Plus some insight as to how Lance keeps his mind straight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning for self-harm, it's not like graphic or explicit or anything, just be aware. It's mentioned very casually so just unwind or prepare either or.
> 
> This came out even longer and longer than I planned, even more so than the last time I said that.  
> Enjoy!

_Six months._

_Six months._

_Six. Months._

“Lance?”

_Six. MONTHS._

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What?”

_SIX MONTHS._

“ _Why_ didn't you _tell_ me?” Lance clenched his jaw through the words.

SIX MONTHS!

“We didn't know-”

“Bullshit!” Lance yelled, the tension finally breaking as he jumped to his feet, “Bullshit you didn't know! I was gone for SIX MONTHS!” His tone escalated as he talked. The rest of the team stood as well.

“But we thought-”

“Thought I knew?! NO! I very obviously did not know! I mentioned it right when I got back, _right_ when I woke up! And all this time, all I could think was _‘at least_ I remember!’ ‘ _at least_ I know what happened!’ ‘ _at least_ it’s not as bad as Shiro!’ ‘at least-” Lance’s words began to stumble, “at least I didn’t tell-”

“Lance, whatever you don't remember, we’re not going to blame you-” Hunk started, but Lance wasn’t done.

“You wanna know what I saw?”

“You don't have to-” 

“I saw the witch. I saw _Haggar_ . I saw her standing over me, asking me questions. And then pain. And nothing else. _Nothing_! Which means I don't know if I betrayed you guys! I don't know what I did or didn’t tell her!” 

That finally gave the team pause as Lance stopped pacing to look them in the eyes. 

“You _saw_ Haggar?” Shiro looked mortified at the prospect.

“Yes, I _saw_ her,” He mocked, “She’s _Haggar_ ; not some mystical _being_ that Keith found on his cryptid UFO blog! And I _thought_ I’d remembered everything she’d done, but not this. _This_ was earlier. Ya’ know, come to think of it, it was probably in the THREE EXTRA _MONTHS_ YOU FORGOT TO MENTION!” Lance glared at them.

“Lance, listen, we didn’t keep it from you to hurt you.” Pidge approached him, his eyes snapped to her sharply.

“So you _did_ know.”

Pidge tried to reason it away, “I had my suspicions, but there was nothing to really support it, not until-” 

“Not until today,” Keith stepped up, “We might have realized it subconsciously maybe, but none of us lied to you on purpose. We just wanted-”

“To control me,” Lance’s eyes narrowed, “That’s all anyone does these days!”

“No!” Shiro shouted, before breathing deeply and trying again, “Lance, we just want to protect you,” he put his hand on Lance’s shoulder again, “We’re a team.”

Lance glared down at Shiro’s hand, opening his mouth to snap at him.

To tell him that they’d _betrayed_ him _._ That he couldn't trust them. That there was nothing he wanted from them anymore-

“And we’re your _friends_ , Hermano,” Hunk spoke up, forcing Lance to look at him.

Pidge gave him a hesitant smile, “You _are_ our Garrison squad Captain, what would we do without you?”

He looked at her. His team. _His team that had lied to him._ His friends. 

“Oh, crash and burn probably,” Lance returned the smile with a half-smirk. He sighed in defeat, “ _Fine_.” He glanced at Shiro, “You can put your perfect-team-leader smile away now, Shiro.”

“Good, that one’s hard to hold.” 

“As glad as I am that we’ve resolved this,” Everyone turned their heads to Allura standing in the doorway, “We now have a new problem.”

Lance nodded darkly, “How to get my memories back.” 

He sounded determined, but truthfully? 

Lance was hesitant to know what was missing. Hesitant to know what had been worse than the ringing that pounded against his skull. To know what had been so much worse that his mind had erased it entirely.

But he’d never admit to being scared of the possibilities. No matter how much he really was.

And he’d certainly never tell them.

Hunk raised his hand from the back of the group, “Uh, shouldn’t we finish connecting to Voltron first?” 

“I'm with Hunk, we still have to restore Lance’s connection to the Blue Lion. We need Voltron again.” Pidge moved forward to stand at the front.

“Guys, I don't even know if I _can_ connect to Blue.” 

Shiro turned back to him with prepared reassurance, “Lance, I know you can if you just-” 

“This _isn’t_ my insecurities, oh great Space-Dad. I figured out why our connection was even broken in the first place.” He stared at his feet, ignoring the heaviness sitting on his shoulders.

“I thought you said that the Blue Lion had shut you out,” Shiro asked.

“She didn’t. _I_ did.” Lance looked up, “ _I’m_ the one that put those walls up between us, not Blue.”

“How did-” Pidge started but Allura was quick to cut her off,

“Why would you do that?” Her voice was furious as she stepped forward, “The bond with the Lions is _sacred_. Why would you dishonor the Blue Lion so much as to break your connection?!” Allura jabbed her finger at Lance.

“Oh, gee, maybe because I had an actual magic _space-witch_ poking around in my head!” Lance swatted Allura’s finger away, “I don't even remember doing it, _cause apparently that’s a thing!_ ” he threw his hands up angrily, “But at least it kept Haggar’s grubby little claws off the Blue Lion! And I’d do it again if it meant keeping Bitchy McWitchy out of my mind! So don't _ever_ question my love for Blue!” This time it was Lance leaning into Allura’s space and stabbing his finger at her. He stared her down with a challenge.

Until Coran popped in with a dramatic shout, “I have the soluTION!”

“Correction, _we_ have a solution,” Pidge added with a pointed look at Coran.

“Pfff, details, details,” He waved her away dismissively; though quickly pulled back his hand when Pidge threatened to bite it. “Yeeps! Fine, _we_ have discovered how to reconnect Lance to the Blue Lion.”

“It’s quite simple actually. Since your bayard still works, we know the possibility for reconnection is still there. So we just have to reverse the mindmeld headbands so they work on a singular focus instead of split between a group,” Pidge explained.

“Then you just pop on in there and you’ll be taking down those walls yourself,” Coran showed a simple diagram on his tablet, smiling wildly.

“Well of course, he’s the one doing it, it’s his brain, it’s not like we can actually go _inside_ his mindscape.” Pidge said sarcastically.

“Ooh, that’d be so cool.” Hunk sidled up to Pidge and started looking at the mechanics behind the mind-melding. “I wonder if we boosted the signals between the headbands to a ratio we might be able to-”

“Nope, nuh-uh, no way,” The geek team’s heads popped up to stare at Lance. The others did the same. “For one, none of you are ever, I repeat _ever,_ transporting yourselves into my head. Voltron connections, fine. But no full-on mind missions, that’s just creepy. Ugh, heebie-jeebies,” Lance gave an exaggerated shiver, “And two, I- uh- I don't know if I’m gonna take down the walls.”

“What!?” Keith shouted.

“At least not completely,” Lance reasoned, but Keith was already on a warpath.

“There is no ‘halfway’ with this, Lance!” Keith stomped up to him, “You can’t connect to Blue with the walls up! And we need _you_ to become Voltron. Do you even know how stressful fighting with only four lions was? Most of the time we just had to _hope_ that we would be enough! These last few months have had our buttcheeks clenched so hard we could eat coal and shit diamonds! The universe needs Voltron and it needs _all_ of Voltron!”

Lance was in a shocked silence for a second before he started snickering. Pidge joining in from behind Keith.

“I’m sorry, did you _actually_ just say that?” Lance chuckled.

“Say what?”

“Oh god, he doesn’t even know!” Lance cried to Pidge.

“What the hell guys?! This is a serious situation.”

Hunk finally started laughing as well, “You’re just so _Texan!”_

Keith looked to Shiro for help, dismayed that his own _brother_ was trying to cover his smile, “Shiro!” 

Lance glanced up at him, taking pause at how honestly confused Keith looked, “Here, how about this, I’ll think about it. Okay?”

“No! You shouldn't need to ‘think about it,’ we’re your _team_.” He growled.

“I can't just say yes, okay!?” Lance snapped back, “I _have_ to be careful, because what if-” Lance cut himself off, “Just-” he sighed, “Just give me ‘till lunch.” He speed walked for the door, slipping past the Alteans and down the hall in seconds.

Hunk made eye contact with a few people, but no one moved. “I’m gonna go after him, you guys stay here and figure it out.” He left down the same hallway as Lance.

Hunk was unsurprised to see him sitting against the wall by their bedrooms. He sat next to him without hesitation.

Best Friend Mode: _Activated_

Level: _Hunk_

“Why’d you follow me?” Lance asked. He forced himself to avoid looking at his friend, instead staring blankly at the wall.

“Because I’m your best friend and I could tell something was wrong. Something you're not telling us.” Hunk prodded at the topic gently.

“I don't want to hurt you guys and I do want to be a part of Voltron again. I do; but I just don’t know if I can risk-” He stopped himself again and focused his eyes away from Hunk.

“Do you remember that time we almost lost my mom’s cookie sheet?”

Lance finally looked at Hunk, his face the picture of ‘wtf are you talking about?’

“It was her favorite pan. And you’d convinced me to make you cookies while we were home alone that summer.” Hunk said it like he was confessing his greatest crime.

“Because I loved your secret family recipe so much,” Lance said lowly.

Hunk took the praise as encouragement to continue, “And then we spent almost an hour playing video games upstairs.” He shook his head with a smile, “Of course, by then the cookies had burned to a crisp and nearly caught on fire.”

“And my first instinct was to throw the smoldering pan of cookies into the creek behind your house. Yeah,” Lance huffed, “I remember. But why-”

“We were so panicked we spent the whole day knee deep in the creek trying to find the pan,” Hunk chuckled.

“And it wasn’t until I almost had to leave that we finally realized the pan had washed up the other side.” Lance elbowed him in the side with a chuckle.

“And we both promised to never tell another soul. Of course, I’m pretty sure Mamá noticed the dent and the scuff marks but she never said anything.”

"Really?” Lance smirked.

“You know Mamá never told Mom about our shenanigans...” Hunk paused, “But we don't do that. We’re _best_ friends. We pinky-swore to always tell each other everything,” he stared into Lance’s eyes, holding up his pinky, “No matter what, right?”

Lance hesitated for a second before settling into his promise, “No matter what,” He mimicked, locking their fingers together.

Hunk finally relented and sat back against the wall, waiting for his friend to find the words. 

Which _was_ what Lance was doing; surprisingly. He wasn’t coming up with a lie. Or an excuse to get out of it. He had to tell _someone_. And it had to be Hunk. 

Lance ran a hand through his hair, briefly feeling the scratch at his temple. He took a breath, “I’m afraid that all of this is a lie.”

Something about it froze Hunk to his core, tensed every muscle in his body and glued him in place. It wasn’t just the actual words. Wasn’t just the meaning of them. But the way Lance said it.

Like the truth would break him. But also that it’d already broken him before. So many times before.

“You mean…?” Hunk could barely say it. 

“What if I let down those walls and-” Lance ran his hands through his hair, brushing across the rough mark again, “What if I take them down and Haggar gets through? What if she’s able to get Blue? Or you? Or the team?” And Lance could feel his senses go fuzzy. Could feel the stress is pulling him away, detaching him from his feelings and his doubts. His thoughts becoming muddied; foggy and unclear-

Until the ringing surged across his mind. Almost burning in it’s escalation, searing itself in his ears and chaining him down.

He lets Hunk think it’s frustration that makes Lance slam his elbow against the wall with a sudden jerk. He relishes in the echoing bang it makes, focusing on the sound bouncing back at him to speak again. 

“I know that I have to reconnect to Blue. I know we need to be Voltron again, but I can’t help thinking: what if-?”

“What if it’s not real?” Hunk finished for him, heaviness squeezing his heart. Lance gave him a small nod in confirmation.

Hunk sighed and let himself sag for a second before really looking at his friend. Lance’s muscles were just as tight and tense as Hunk’s had been.

“I know you already know what you’re going to do. You always choose the team, it’s who you are.” Hunk stopped Lance as he tried to refuse it, “Before _and_ after. It’s who you are, you’re selfless and protective and loyal to the end. I know _you_ , Lance. And now you need to bring yourself to peace with the decision you’ve already made. ” Hunk stood and offered Lance a hand to get up, ”No matter how you need to do that, just do what you gotta do.”

Lance glanced at the hand before taking it and lifting himself off the ground as well.

“See you at lunch?” Lance asked.

“Yeah, buddy, see you at lunch,” Hunk flashed him a smile, patting his back before walking away back down the hall.

Lance stood in the hallway for a few seconds before forcing himself towards his room. He just needed to think. He needed to _hear_ himself think. Lance thanked every cosmic being there was when he found his headphones in the same drawer he’d left them in.

He slammed them on his head, jamming the volume button higher and higher. It worked. Enough.

Lance sat on the bed, his back against the wall, legs bunched up in front of him, trying to drown his mind in the music. 

He knew why the team wanted him to take the walls down. Why they were so adamant about it. Or he thought he did. But he’d thought they’d never lie to him. But they hadn’t told him. 

They hadn’t told him.

Hadn’t told him how long he’d been gone. Or what they’d done while he was gone. They’d lied to him. They _lied._

_They lied. They lied, they lied, they lied, they lied._

His mind snagged on the phrase, looping it like a broken record. Repeating it over and over and over. Faster and faster until the meaning blurred behind his eyes. Every thought felt rushed. Like he was running out of time, every word struggling to get the cacophony in his mind. Every second to brief and too hurried to understand anything. A screeching, deafening static of a thousand different choices, each one flying past and disappearing.

And suddenly the music wasn’t loud enough.

Lance wrenched off the headphones, chucking them across the room.

He barely registered the small clatter it made. He threw his head back, pounding against the wall. He kept doing it, because at least he could hear the vibrations. They resounded through his skill.

But it wasn’t enough. Of course it wasn’t. It never was.

Lance stood in the middle of the room, then started doing push-ups. Then sit-ups. It was in the middle of jumping jacks that his mind cleared enough to think.

And Lance knew. He had known. He’d known Hunk was right. That he’d do anything for his team.

As long as it was his team.

He had to be sure. Had to know that they wouldn’t get hurt if it turned out to be a lie. He couldn’t hurt them. Not again. He had to make sure this was reality. 

He could tell Hunk. _Should_ tell Hunk. 

_No matter what_. It had guaranteed their friendship. Hunk had told him no matter what; as long as they talked. 

No matter what happened, no matter what they did, no matter what changed. No matter what he needed to do.

But now he had to prove this was the truth. No matter _how_ he did it.

Lance was already heading towards the medbay by the time he’d decided.

x-x-x

When Lance had shown up to lunch, the rest of the team had been waiting for him. They tried to ignore the conversation, but it lingered in the tension across the room.

Keith was tapping his foot a thousand miles per hour. The sound was quiet, but apparently constant enough for Pidge to notice.

“Would you stop tapping your foot! It’s fricking annoying!” Pidge scowled from in front of her goo.

“Well I would if-”

“Relax Pidgeon, Keith just doesn’t have an ounce of patience in his tiny angry body, it’s not his fault.” Lance pointed his finger up and down at Keith.

“Well, if you could just make the right decision, we wouldn’t have to _wait_ on anything!” Keith shouted back.

“Keith…” Shiro’s scolding was lackluster. After all, at the end of the day, Shiro agreed with him.

Lance ran his thumb over his left hand under the table. He chewed his lip for a second before answering, “I’ll do it. I let Blue back in,” the rest of the team lit up, opening their mouths to talk, Lance cut them off, “but we do it on my terms.”

“We don't have time for this Lance, we have to form Voltron again!” Keith slammed his fist on the table, rocking the plates.

“And I get that! But I’m not going to be able to talk with Blue if I can’t even hear _myself_ talk!” Lance yelled back at him and standing, no way was he backing down, “All of you know about the ringing now, but none of you know what it’s like! I can’t ignore it, I can’t shut it off and I can’t fix it! I can barely _think!_ So if you want me to reconnect to Blue, I _need_ to fight, I need to _train_ and I need some godforsaken _silence_!” Lance moved his eyes across everyone, fire behind them. “Okay!?” He shook his hands at them.

The movement pulled everyone back to the present, Shiro stepping up to take control.

“We can get some team training in before dinner,” He glanced at Lance to assure that would work, but he was already sitting back down holding his hands together, “Besides, we could all use a refresher with the gladiator bot.” Shiro smirked deviously, “I know we _all_ love that one for _team_ bonding.” 

Keith groaned. The gladiator bot was solely meant for team training and it kicked his ass every time he tried it alone. Which is why Shiro loved to use it. It forced him to work with the team or get knocked flat on ground.

When everyone filed out of the dining room to get their armour, and they all headed towards the training room; no one bothered to look at the new unexplained scratch on Lance’s hand. 

Or why he kept pressing it as they talked to him.

No one questioned why he’d finally agreed to take the walls down. And Hunk never asked what he did to pacify his fears of false reality. They simply moved on. 

After all, they had training to do, places to be... who _would_ notice an accident that small?

No matter how intentional it had been.

Lance pressed it again.

_This is real._

_This is real._

_This is real._

But then he was staring up at his armor. The Blue Paladin Armor. In its case, white and blue and shining like it’d never seen war in the crushing depths of space. And how could that be here, he wasn't wearing it when he’d come back, he’d lost it after he’d been taken, he hadn't seen it in _months_ , how could it be here, it _couldn't_ be here, it was a lie-

“We found it on the ship during your rescue,” Coran’s voice surprised him from behind, forcing Lance to whip around at him in surprise, “Or rather, the Blades delivered it to us during the mission. We’re not quite sure how they got it on Green but that’s a query we don't seem to have time for these days.” Coran stroked his mustache thoughtfully.

“The.. _Blades?”_ Lance raised an eyebrow, “Who? _”_

Coran’s fingers tensed in the middle of his mustache. He automatically threw a cautionary glance towards Keith, only to see him frozen in action as well. Everyone in the armory was.

Hunk carefully moved towards them, “Lance, don't you remember the Blade of Marmora? Ulaz? The space taco?”

Lance really didn't have the patience for this right now, “Yes, Hunk, I remember Ulaz. He saved our asses, but seriously.. ‘ _The Blades’_ was the best you could do?” Lance made a face, “You could have at least called them, like, Marmorians or something? Marmorigers? Marmorites!” Lance’s face lit up with a smile as he gave Hunk finger guns at the name.

Shiro chuckled in the back of the group. Hunk smiled as well from the release of tension, “Yeah, man. And their home base was even better than the Space Taco, it was- oh what did I call it?” Hunk groaned as he tried to remember, sorting through space food bases they’d visited.

“You said it was a frozen space burrito. Hot on the outside but still frozen in the middle.” Pidge replied from a monotone voice at the door. She was already in full armor and leaned against the frame to wait for them.

“So you guys made it to the Main Marmorite Base, huh?” Lance’s voice had lost a bit of the excitement. 

Everyone sent a cursory glance at Keith again, but he looked ready to burst. “Lance, they’re not called Marmorites! They’re the Blade of Marmora! That’s their name! Use it or not, but don't make fun of them!” Keith slammed the armor case closed and stomped out the door, Shiro in hot pursuit.

Lance focused on the sting of his gloves that snagged against the cut, setting his eyes on the armor.

“It’s all yours, my boy.” Coran patted his shoulder before leaving as well. Lance barely heard him, and by the way Hunk was watching his lack of response; he could tell too.

Lance was glad he still had enough muscle memory to allow him to clasp the armor on without too much difficulty. It felt cleaner than he’d remembered, but the sense of stability it provided was already appreciated. Hunk looked at him again before he finally turned for the door. They walked out together, Lance just in front of Hunk, gripping his helmet tight against his side. He just wanted to get started.

He glanced at Keith and Shiro. Both were quietly arguing before Shiro finally pushed away and moved towards the team.

“Positions!” Shiro yelled out. And then, “Full team Training sequence One: Start!”

The helmets were slid on simultaneously, and Lance was off. Fighting with his team again, his bayard felt clean in his hands. Smooth. Controlled. Far. Disconnected, wron-

It was over. The bot was down.

Lance growled.

“Next Team Level: Start!” Shiro yelled out again.

And Lance tried to move slower, slow down his shots, perfect them. Surely he must have gotten rusty as a sniper. No such luck. He was still-

Over.

Lance growled again and waited for the next level to start. Then he was fighting and working and finally, finally-

It was over.

“Why the hell is this taking so long!” Lance shouted as the third bot disappeared into the floor. 

“Lance. We just need some time to warm-up, y’know, get back in the rhythm,” Hunk suggested.

“Then do it faster! Nobody’s going to wait for you when you’re fighting!” Lance yelled.

“Lance, let’s just breath for now, alright?” Shiro moved himself between Lance and Hunk, “Everybody just take a break. We’ll start the next level in a few minutes.”

“What Shiro. Why did you stop it.” Lance said through clenched teeth as Shiro came closer.

“Listen, Lance, I more than anyone understands how hard it can be to train while controlling your fighting. But not every fight needs to be a fight for your life. This is just an exercise, we can take it slower; no matter how fast our _other_ experiences were.” Shiro said softly.

“But this isn’t _enough_ ,” Lance snarled, “I need to fight. I can’t keep starting and stopping or this will never work for me.” Had they forgotten why they were doing this in the first place? 

“I know you’ve had to be on your own for a long time, but we’re all here to support and to protect each other. We have to see where we are as a whole so that we can cover each other’s weaknesses. We’re just starting training again, we can’t just jump in full throttle without practice.”

Lance looked down at his hands for a second, barely registering Shiro’s lecture.

_Fine. If I can’t get a fight like this, then I’ll get it another way._

“We’re a team here,” Shiro continued, “And sometimes that means slowing down a bit, so that _everyone’s_ at an even pace.”

Keith scoffed behind him. 

Lance ground his jaw tighter and glared at him from the side, “Got something to say, _Keith?_ ”.

Keith flinched, as if he hadn’t actually expected Lance to say something. He quickly recovered, straightening his shoulders and pushing off the wall towards the group.

“Yeah, actually, _I do_.” Keith paused, “I get that you think you’re all ‘super badass’ now,” his voice was filled with sarcasm, “but that doesn’t mean you don't have to work as a team. Weren’t you the one that used to say we had to work together?”

“And?” Lance clenched his fist.

“ _And,_ before you decided you were _so_ much better than us, we had to slow down for _you_ . We had to hold back in training so _Lance_ could get his precious shots in and we never said _anything_ about it. You never even took this seriously, so why should-!” Keith was harshly cut off by Lance.

Or rather, by Lance _tackling_ him.

In less than a second, Lance was halfway across the room, throwing Keith to the ground. Nobody knew what to do. He let loose punch after punch, aiming at Keith’s face. Shouting with every hit.

“Screw! You! Keith!” He screamed, “Has! _Nobody!_ Mentioned! How bad! Of a team! We were!?” Lance suddenly flew to the side as Keith pushed him off. 

“What the hell are you talking about?!” Keith roared, running back at him with his own tackle. He shoved them both to the floor with a heavy thud.

“We barely held it together!” Lance yelled as he drove his elbow into Keith’s back, grappling for control of the fight. 

Shiro tried to stop them, but was pushed back by the violent chaos, forcing him to the sidelines. No one could get them apart, and they definitely weren’t listening to their warnings.

“What-” Keith jerked away from Lance’s knee flying at his nose, “What are you-!”

“I was captured because no one would listen to me!” Lance screamed, and Keith momentarily forgot he was fighting. Lance didn’t care, he pinned Keith down and didn’t stop. Not for a second.

“ _Nobody_ listened to me!” 

Punch. 

“And now I’m back!” 

Punch. 

“And all of you _bonded_ over my disappearance!” 

Punch.

“I was gone!”

Punch.

“It took me _leaving-_!”

Punch.

“For Voltron to come together!” 

Lance paused, grabbing the front of Keith’s armor and lifting him closer to his face. 

“So _you_ tell _me_ , Keith,” His voice dropped dangerously, “Is that irony? Coincidence?” He narrowed his eyes, “Or is it just meant to be?” Lance shoved Keith away and stood back up above him. 

He started towards the door, ignoring the team’s shocked faces as he strode past them. “I got what I needed, no help from most of you,” he scoffed, “See you after dinner for the mind block.” 

The door closed behind him, leaving silence in its wake..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, since next chapter will probably include Blue, what are y'alls headcanons on paladin-lion communication. Is it telepathy? Feelings? Specific emotions? Etc. I'm not really cemented on any one idea so anything is good.
> 
> Also, for those that care or want to know, the thing that Keith said is from personal experience. I'm southern, like deeply, so I guess I use phrases that aren't actually common??? And only when I came to the midwest (where I live now) and I said that line, did I realize that it wasn't a normal phrase here? My friend laughed for 11 straight minutes before she could even explain. A crude awakening.


	8. One Tablespoon Olive Oil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bed, a cow, a pool
> 
> Together, they make VOLTRON.  
> Today, with magic.
> 
> Blue Lion is Best Lion, this is fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I was captured because no one would listen to me!” Lance screamed, and Keith momentarily forgot he was fighting. Lance didn’t care, he pinned Keith down and didn’t stop. Not for a second.
> 
> “ Nobody listened to me!” 
> 
> Punch. 
> 
> “And now I’m back!” 
> 
> Punch. 
> 
> “And all of you bonded over my disappearance!” 
> 
> Punch.
> 
> “I was gone!”
> 
> Punch.
> 
> “It took me leaving- !”
> 
> Punch.
> 
> “For Voltron to come together!” 
> 
> Lance paused, grabbing the front of Keith’s armor and lifting him closer to his face. 
> 
> “So you tell me , Keith,” His voice dropped dangerously, “Is that irony? Coincidence?” He narrowed his eyes, “Or is it just meant to be?” Lance shoved Keith away and stood back up above him. 
> 
> He started towards the door, ignoring the team’s shocked faces as he strode past them. “I got what I needed, no help from most of you,” he scoffed, “See you after dinner for the mind block.” 
> 
> The door closed behind him, leaving silence in its wake..

Keith had decided that Altean medical beds were the worst thing to curse the universe since the discontinuation of 2-in-1 hair products.

At least he definitely thought so from the last  _ 30 minutes  _ he’d spent sitting on one. Coran was  _ still  _ looking for the right salve or something for his bruises. He’d tried to get out of it but Shiro had stared him down all the way from the armory to the Medbay.

Even Keith wasn’t immune to ‘The Look.’

“Aha!” Coran jumped in triumph, holding up a small container like treasure, “I found it!”

Keith tried to get off the bed again, “I told you, Coran, I don’t need any treatment or-”

“Sit.” Shiro rumbled.

“But I-”

“Sit, Keith.” Shiro glared back. Keith would never admit that he pouted as he settled back on the medical bed, it was only a little childish spitefulness. His brother sighed again, “I know you hate doctors but it is only by the grace of god your nose isn’t broken. He almost-”

“Actually, his face is mostly unharmed.” Coran piped in as he got closer. Shiro raised an eyebrow in confusion as the Altean started applying the cream to Keith. “Yes, Lance certainly did a number on him, but there is a degree of restraint. His nose is bruised, a little bloody sure; but it wasn’t hit with anywhere near enough force to break it.”

Keith winced at a bloom of pain on his jaw and growled, “Then why does it hurt so much?”

Coran scoffed and moved to collect more salve as he mumbled, “Probably because I chose the one without pain relievers in it.”

“Coran…” Shiro gave him a stern look, but Coran shrugged it off and kept applying the cream.

“What? I’m not team leader, I have no problems showing favorites,” He said incredulously, “And besides, restraint doesn't mean he didn't hit hard. He just avoided your important bits, y’know, eyes and such. Could be much worse. In fact, this one time Alfor and I had a nasty run-in with some street thugs on a Gaali planet. Nearly ripped my ear off those fuc-”

“Not the time, Coran.” Shiro stepped in, handing Keith his jacket as he hopped down from the bed. “Keith, you need to talk to Lance.”

“What!? He hit  _ me _ !”

“I don't want to hear who started it Keith,” Shiro followed him out of the room, “You and Lance have always been at each other’s throats, but this is different.”

“It really isn’t, Shiro.”

“Yes, it is. We both know that Lance wouldn’t have commented on your scoff, wouldn’t have taken it that far.”

“Yeah, obviously, I got that. So, what? You want me to just shut up? Stop talking to him?”

“No.” Shiro sighed, “We don’t need to be walking on eggshells around him, god no; but we still have to recognize that he’s gone through something traumatic. Is still going through it.”

“So did you Shiro. And he took advantage of your sympathy. I’m not going to give him mine, because clearly, he only cares about himself.” His voice grew in agitation.

“That’s not true, Keith, and you know it.” Shiro said, trying to convince Keith to just stop being so stubborn.

“Then why can’t he act like it!”

Shiro looked back over his shoulder, then over the other.

“What the hell are you doing, Shiro!?” Keith shouted. He was sick of his brother always-

Shiro crossed his arms and glared down at Keith, “I’m  _ trying _ to find who you think you’re yelling at, because I know for damn sure it’s not me.” 

Keith growled and grit his teeth, “I’m not up for your stupid-”

“Try again.”

“I don’t-”

“No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’? I was trying to-” Keith threw his hands in the air at Shiro. Shiro and all his stupid vagueness.

“I  _ mean _ , no. You don’t get to write him off this quickly. I want you to give him a chance.”

“I already did!”

“Then give him another one.”

“Why!?” Keith shot back.

“Because he deserves it,” Shiro answered, his words solemn enough to shut Keith’s mouth with a snap. “Don’t you think, that after everything, everything we’ve been through, everything he went through, everything he went through for  _ us _ .. don’t you think he deserves another chance? Don’t you think he deserves  _ a few  _ chances?”

“But I- But he- We can’t just-” Keith shuffled through refusals, but each one fell short. 

“I’ve been where he is, Keith. And it isn’t as easy as ‘go back to normal.’ Surviving that… it takes everything.” Shiro took a deep breath to steady himself, “You can’t afford to be kind, or caring, or selfless. And even when every, single, part of you rushes to save somebody,” He paused and made eye contact again, “ _You_ _have to push it down_.”

Keith stood silently for a moment, looking back at Shiro. Sorrow, guilt, regret washed over his face because he hadn’t been able to save Shiro.

_ Not just Shiro _ , his brain reminded him. 

Keith shifted his eyes away, staring at his shoes. “Is it really going to be that hard to get him back?” He said softly, the air fragile.

“We still have to try.” 

Keith twitched his lips back and forth, clenching and unclenching his jaw. Rolling the debate over his tongue. He hated to back down from an argument.

“So?...” Shiro questioned, raising an eyebrow and leaning back on his hip. Keith sighed dramatically.

“Fine.” He threw his hands up for good measure, “I’ll give him another chance.”

“Finally! God, I thought I was gonna have to bribe you or something.” Shiro dropped his arms from his chest in exasperation, “I swear, for how much you two care about each other, it’s ridiculously hard to get you to just talk.”

“What?”

Now it was Shiro’s turn to sigh, “Nothing. Just… trying to get this team to function is like pulling teeth. And I very specifically refused my parent’s desire for me to become a dentist.”

Keith gave a breathless laugh, “Ha!” He looked Shiro up and down, “Like you’re any better.”

An affronted look grew across Shiro’s face, “I’m not-” 

Keith took that moment to dash down the hall, away from any more lectures.

“I’m not that bad!... And apologize to Lance!” Shiro shouted out after his rapidly disappearing shape. Keith threw back a rushed ‘will do!’ as he made his escape.

Shiro stood in the hallway, unmoving for a second. Thinking.

“Oh! Number one, you’re still here,” Coran walked out from around a corner, “Did you need something? Why are you just standing in the middle of the hall?”

“No reason…” Shiro paused, “I think I’m just now understanding why my grandmother got paid so much to be a matchmaker.” He stared off into the distance; his face the picture of resignation.

“Ah! A noble profession indeed! Y’know, one could say that I’m responsible for Alfor and Melenor getting together. Pah! The kingdom would have fallen without me!”

Shiro resisted the sudden urge to remind him that it did.

Instead, he listened to Coran regale him with tales of how he saved the castle (“ _ more than once, might I add” _ ), while they walked, side-by-side, through the corridors.

-x-x-x-

Lance ran his hands across the grass. Trying to pick out each blade of green beneath his fingers. He couldn’t.

It made sense, honestly. In a weird sort of way. Same reason the clouds never moved across the picturesque blue sky. Same reason that though he could see the wind shift the grass, he couldn’t feel any breeze on his skin.

It was fake. A hologram. The wonders of alien technology to create a world that seemed so real and yet-

Wetness dripped onto his cheek. 

Lance squeezed his eyes closed tighter and tried to ignore it. To relish in the momentary sense of peace. 

The peace that always came after a fight. As petty as it’d been, his fight with Keith had helped. He needed it; to fight, to fight without restraints or routine practice. Just to fight, to grapple for the right to exist like he had in the-

Something blocked the light in front of him, casting a shadow over his face. He peeked open an eyelid… Just in time to see a blob of saliva dangling right above his eye.

“Kaltenecker!” Lance flung himself out of the cow’s drool range. He groaned, awkwardly rubbing his cheek against his shoulder in a desperate attempt to wipe it off.

“That’s so disgusting!”

“Mooooo,” Kaltnecker glanced up with half-lidded eyes as she continued to eat at the spot where he was just laying.

“I can’t believe you’d betray me like this! Oh, the pain!” Lance put his hand to his forehead dramatically, “How ever will I go on?!” 

Kaltnecker, seemingly unbothered by him, continued chewing. Lance tried to sneak a glimpse at her without breaking character, disappointed to see her lack of reaction.

“Oh, tough crowd, huh?” 

She turned to the side, flicking her tail at him dismissively.

“I bet…” he paused and got to his feet, “THIS’LL change your mind!” Lance jumped at her, aiming for surprise, “Raahhh! Oof.” He hit her side like a brick wall, Kaltnecker sparing him no more than a look.

“I think I’d forgotten how hard it is to mess with cows.” He narrowed his eyes at her, then shrugged and smirked, “Oh, well.. Guess I’ll just have too....” Lance took a couple steps away, before turning back, “Lay on you instead! Ah-Ha!” He leapt onto the cow’s back like a starfish, searching for enough grip to stay attached.

He leaned his head down to her eye-level, “Still nothing, huh girl?” She blinked at him, smacked her lips, …. And then kept chewing.

“Lance?” Both cow and paladin’s heads shot upright at the voice. Hunk stood in the doorway with a bucket and a weird container next to him.

Kaltenecker found this infinitely more exciting than Lance’s efforts at bothering her and a loud ‘MOOO’ came from below Lance. 

Uh oh.

Kaltenecker galloped for the door, suddenly full of energy, hauling Lance along with her as he held on for dear life.

She finally stopped in front of Hunk’s feet, pausing for a moment until-

“Hoe, don't do it-” Lance scrambled to get off her in time, but failed as she plopped down on top of him. Sitting like a dog. 

Lance groaned at the sudden weight, resigned to trying to keep her tail from slapping him in the face.

“Hey there big girl! Excited to see me?” Hunk’s words only served to make her tail slap harder. Lance struggled to lean around her enough to see what he was doing.

Hunk pulled a package of some type of ‘alien-hay-feed’ out of the container at his feet. Hefting it into his arms, he carried it over to the small stall they had for the cow, Kaltenecker following behind him dutifully. Finally releasing Lance.

“Are we sure you’re not giving her too much of that stuff?” Lance groaned and rubbed his sides.

“Nah, Pidge calculated the perfect amount, I just don't think you're supposed to have cows sitting on you.” Hunk waved him off as he emptied the food into the trough. Hunk perked up like he’d remembered something, “Oh! Pidge! I promised her I’d help fix the glitches in the-” 

“Then go, I’m sure Kaltenecker will be fine,” Lance assured him as he got closer.

Hunk glanced from the cow, to Lance, to the bucket he left by the door, “But I have to-” 

Lance followed his line of sight, “Oh! I can do it buddy! Just go do your computer thing,” He smiled at him and went to grab the bucket.

“Are you sure? ‘Cuz I can stay if-” Hunk’s hands started fidgeting as he crumpled up the feed package and came closer.

“Gooo. I’ve done this before! Or did you forget who taught you?” Lance got behind him and playfully started urging him out of the room.

“Who? Your Uncle Leo?” Hunk said as he dug his heels in.

“No, me!” 

“I think I distinctly remember Leo teaching-” Hunk caught Lance’s eyes, joking glare and all, “Fine. Fine, I’ll go. But I’m making ice cream for dessert so make sure to bring the milk by the kitchen so you can help before dinner.” Hunk smiled back at his friend as he was pushed out of the room. It was nice to have someone take over with Kaltenecker, he was finally free to work on stuff with Pidge like he’d been putting off.

Behind the doors, Lance picked up the bucket and faced Kaltenecker with determination. 

“Now you  _ have  _ to pay attention to me, pretty girl.”

-x-x-x-

By the time Lance had finally,  _ finally _ gotten Kaltenecker to cooperate enough for him to milk her, he’d already wasted half an hour.

So he had absolutely no qualms about leaving her alone in her ‘pasture’, and he was definitely  _ not _ sulking.

Still, the whole process satisfied something in him. Something about the actions just brought him back to his childhood trips to Uncle Leo’s dairy farm.

And yeah, they were in space, not south eastern Cuba. And yeah, the cow they had was definitely genetically or hormonally modified by aliens to keep producing milk.

But it is what it is. And Lance would take what bits of home he could get.

_ Home _ .

A surge of homesickness rattled through him. It ached. A bone deep ache that he hadn’t paid attention to in so long and-

It was quickly pushed out by ringing.

Right.  _ That _ .

Lance pulled his mind away from thoughts of his family, of any happiness he  _ used  _ to have. It was all gone for him now, and the ringing seemed to hate any happiness he even  _ tried _ to scrounge together for himself.

Something clicked. If the ringing grew every time Lance thought about his family, or his home or-

_ Ow _ . 

With the Galra, when he’d thought the ringing was self-inflicted, that it was his punishment; it’d made sense for his happiness to make it worse. Why should he get to be happy, when he’d taken that from somebody else? Why should he get to keep his family? When he’d ripped someone away from theirs, permanently.

And he’d thought hearing the screams of his opponents, his fights, his kills, his  _ victims _ was fair. Justified. Why should he get any peace when he’d taken any chance of it for them?

No.

This wasn’t on him. Yes, he deserved the guilt he felt. And yes, one day, he’d see retribution for his actions, but that wasn’t what this was.

This was Haggar.

Haggar trying to rid him of his memories. Of his home, his family. Of his team. Haggar trying to rid him of his  _ hope _ .

_ Rid him of weakness _ , a voice whispered,  _ No weaknesses, nothing to chance. _

The memory of that phrase made him grit his teeth. 

Haggar was such a  _ bitch _ when she was being condescending.

Lance took a break from his thoughts to peek his head into the kitchen. Still empty, thank god.

He loved Hunk, he really did, but there was no way he was sitting through another awkward team meal. Especially not right before they did something potentially hazardous to his mental state.

Again.

He quickly dropped the milk on the counter and left as fast as he could. He had somewhere to be, things to do, and a theory to test.

But first, a change of clothes.

x-x-x

Keith was sick of looking for Lance. I mean, seriously! The guy is over six foot, he shouldn't be  _ that _ hard to find! Keith grumbled as he turned another corner in his search.

It was just his luck that he’d been chosen to ‘collect’ Lance. Shiro wasn't even subtle about it! ‘Give him another chance’ ‘He deserves it’ ‘blah de blah de blah de blah.’ 

“Hey Dipshit,” Keith glanced down at the phone in his hand, not at all surprised to see Pidge’s face on the screen.

“Yes?” He said irritably.

“He’s in the pool room.”

“Fine. Meet you guys in the Lounge room.” Keith quickly shut off the phone and spun around to go the right direction.

Of course Lance would be wasting time swimming while they were all waiting for him. It was becoming unfortunately normal for him to skip team meals. And everybody else just let him! Shiro never let  _ Keith _ skip meals. 

Keith opened the pool doors fully ready to shout at Lance, --

Only to find himself stopped short and mesmerized by the blue paladin.

Now, one thing you have to understand is, Keith grew up in a desert. He didn’t really like pools. The community pools were generally cesspits of germs and packed to the brim during the Arizona summers. And that’s  _ if _ he could convince a foster parent to bring him along.

This was decidedly not the case for Lance.

Even from the doorway, Keith could tell where Lance had haphazardly thrown his towel to the side before jumping in. And based on the amount of water collecting on the sides of the pool, he’d been here for a while.

Keith watched as Lance flipped off the wall, turning into yet another lap, without even a pause. He hadn’t even realized how close he’d gotten until he felt water splash his boots. 

He growled at the wetness soaking into his feet. Shouting it was then.

“Lance!” Keith yelled. Nothing, “Lance! Lance! LANCE!” 

There! A stutter in the smoothness of his actions.

Lance flipped around at the other end of the pool and started back towards Keith. 

“Finally!” Keith crossed his arms and waited for Lance to finish. Meaning that he’d completely missed Lance’s smirk forming under the water. And that he was utterly unprepared for Lance to kick an entire wave of water at him the moment he was close enough.

Now Keith really shouted.

“What the hell Lance!” He yelled, then continued trying to get his jacket off before it would be ruined.

Lance scoffed playfully as he hefted himself out of the water, “It was worth a try to see if that mullet was any sort of salvageable when wet,” He grabbed his towel and turned a cursory glance at Keith, “News Flash: the answer is no, there’s no hope at all for the mullet, it’d be a mercy just to cut it all off now.”

Keith was left a little shocked by the almost  _ normal _ comment from Lance, before he finally registered what he’d said. 

“My hair is not that bad,” He growled, “And your hair’s not any better now. So there,”

“Oh, I’m well aware my hair is a disaster but unlike you, I don't make a routine of hacking it off in the bathroom.”

“It’s efficient!” Keith threw his hands up.

“It’s ratchet at best, Keith. But still, I am going to have to cut it soon, it kept getting in my eyes on my free-stroke.” 

“Wouldn’t be a problem if you weren’t swimming for like 3 hours straight.” Keith said snidely. Lance paused to glare at Keith, then went back to wrapping the towel on his head.

Once he’d finished he started walking towards the door, making Keith follow, “Did you know that as it turns out, the pool’s easier to access when you actually go through the elevator entrance? Rather than some off-ramp vent airway?” Insert pointed look at Keith. Insert Keith blatantly ignoring said look.

“It was your idea that got us up there.”

“It’s not my fault you’ve never seen Emperor’s New Groove. Besides, I actually have a reason for swimming this long.” Lance answered as the aforementioned elevator started moving. 

Keith scoffed, “Yeah, I’m sure you have plenty of excuses, Lance. And yet, you still missed dinner, and you’re still late to the team meeting.”

This time it was Lance who growled, “Let me talk, Keith, I’m serious, this is about the ringing.” That made Keith pay attention. He looked at Lance next to him, startled a bit by how stern he looked. Especially with a towel piled on his head.

“I’ve always loved swimming, and it’s been years since I’ve had the opportunity. The Garrison only allows the pool to be used in simulations, not for leisure.”

“Really? You call doing a hundred laps ‘leisure’? Wow, Iverson must’ve been  _ so _ upset.” Keith rolled his eyes and ignored the look he got from Lance.

“Swimming makes me happy, it reminds me of my family, my home, everything I love about earth.” Lance said wistfully. But Keith’s eyes caught the slightest wince at the end of his statement. “And something that I’ve just now realized, is that Haggar didn't just want me to fight, she wanted me to lose hope too. So every time I think about my family, or I think about Earth, or even you guys, the team, I-” another wince, “The ringing gets worse.

Keith stopped dead in his tracks, not even noticing that the elevator had opened to let them out. Lance turned back to hold the door for him, and Keith rushedly stepped out, once again following Lance mindlessly.

“So you mean-.. Haggar tried to-” He couldn’t figure out how to phrase this. Was there really any  _ good  _ way to say, ‘Hey, an evil witch tried to make you into her own personal death drone,’?

“Yeah. And it worked.” Lance said softly. Keith hated that tone, he was becoming uncomfortably familiar with it, and much preferred Lance’s sarcasm. 

“I mean, I think it worked. Not so much now that I know, but.. When I was still there… Before I knew what the ringing was… I thought it was fair that I wouldn’t be able to think about my family without it hurting. I caused so much pain there, it was only fair I felt some as well.”

“Lance, that’s not-” He started through clenched teeth, but Lance cut him off.

“And I’ve always known what it takes to get rid of the ringing. I needed some time to think. And I needed to get away from the ringing for a while. Swimming does that for me. It makes me work hard enough to drive back the ringing, but I still love it, I can still enjoy it. It’s the  _ one  _ thing I have that hasn’t been ruined by all of this.” Lance’s fists were clenched tightly and he stopped walking.

“And you needed three hours for that?” Keith asked doubtfully. He hadn't realized they’d already reached Lance’s room.

“Like I said: it gave me some time to think,” Lance turned to face him fully, sucking in a deep breath, “I realized that I shouldn’t have fought you like that. I was desperate, but I crossed a line. I said some things I shouldn’t have and I wish I could’ve stopped myself because you didn’t deserve that from me. Not saying you don't need some sense knocked into you, but that wasn't my place.” Lance gave a small smirk, but it faded quickly, “I can’t keep lashing out at you guys like this. First it was Shiro, and then you. Who’s next, Pidge? Hunk?  _ Coran? _ ” Lanced sighed heavily, “I really am sorry about all of it. And you don't have to say anything back, I just didn’t want to leave it like this.” Lance barely waited before stepping away into his room, letting the door slide between them.

Keith stood there for a second.

He was  _ really  _ getting sick of doors closing between him and Lance. It’d happened three times today alone!

And what the hell was he  _ supposed _ to say to Lance apologizing? The suspiciously Shiro-sounding little voice in his head could shut up about ‘just forgive him.’ No way.

But it was just… ugh! Every time Keith tried to think of the reason why he couldn’t, it was an actual reason. Keith  _ hated _ excuses. They made him sound pathetic and weak. And honestly, screw that.

He just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Before. When Keith could argue with Lance and not nearly get his nose broken. No matter what Coran said about it.

They’d been on the road to a tenuous ‘friendship’ or whatever Lance kept calling frenemies. And… and… and he kind of liked it. Being friends that is. Because he’d never had friends. He had people he fought with. And that wasn’t what he wanted Lance to become. He wanted more than that. He-

“You’re still here?”

Keith would deny to the day he died that _Lance_ _Mclain_ had actually managed to startle him. “Yeah….?” Keith said slowly, then furrowed his eyebrows, “What, did you think I’d leave?” 

And for Keith, all the excuses in the world fell flat against the tiny, half-surprised smile on Lance’s face.

“Then let’s get going, Mullethead, there’s no use making them wait for both of us.” Lance said as he smiled and turned down the hallway.

“You’re the one that made us late,” 

“Pffff, I made  _ me _ late, you just decided to stick around and you should know by now that I have no problem being late.” Lance propped a hand up on his hip.

“Oh believe me, we’re all very knowledgeable about your timekeeping skills, except I don't understand how you’re late  _ at all _ , considering you’ve got legs the size of giraffes.” Keith  _ may  _ have grumbled through that last statement. 

But really, every step he took was easily double the size of Keith’s, it was ridiculous. He kept having to shuffle to keep up with him!

“What can I say? I’m just pumped to get to work,” Lance plastered on a sarcastically fake smile and gave him a tight thumbs-up.

Keith crossed his arms as he rolled his eyes, “You know we have to do this, it’s the only way to-”

“Yeah yeah, spare me the lecture. I get it already.” Lance waved his hand at Keith like he could physically swat the conversation out of the air. 

“Who’s lecturing Lance?” Pidge’s voice cut in when the automatic doors opened at their presence.

“Nobody. Absolutely nobody,” Lance said as he made a bee-line to the couches, “We’re going to do this, get it over with and then put it all behind us. Good? Capische? Great. Let’s fire it up, Coran.”

“Don't you dare. Fire would ruin the headbands irreparably.” Coran said, clutching the headbands to his chest.

“Relax, Coran. It's just a figure of speech. It means Lance wants us to get started,” Shiro patted him placatingly as he passed the man to sit down next to Keith.

“Yeah, only time Lance’s ever been in a rush and he still wasn’t on time. Go figure. Worked out for me though, more time to process my code.” Pidge finally pulled herself away from her laptop, relinquishing Hunk to sit next Lance.

He whispered something about ice cream and new milk to Lance that Keith couldn't really hear, but Coran was already passing out the headbands. 

“I’ve already modified the quintessence modules in each of the headbands,” Allura moved towards the group, “But I’ll still need to activate yours individually, Lance, so that you all end up on the same plane.” 

“You won’t be joining us?” Keith added when he saw Lance hesitate at the request.

“No,” Allura paused, “Unfortunately, this will require that I act as a guide from the outside. Coran will help me monitor your quintessence levels so I can keep them stable and stay focused.”

“I’m sorry,  _ guide _ ? That implies the ability to get lost; is that a possibility? I mean, we’ve been to the astral plane before, right? So it should be just like that, we’re not going to get blindsided by some evil-astral creature, are we?” Hunk rattled off the random worries flitting through his head,  _ some _ of which were slightly valid. At least to Keith’s perspective. Can’t be too prepared, right?

“None of that, we just need to keep the headbands from bouncing back like they did last time. Allura is simply guiding the quintessence stream around all you.” Coran chipped in as he went back to the princess’s side. Hunk visibly sagged in relief.

“Lance?” Oh right, apparently Shiro was the only one who remembered Lance still hadn’t answered Allura’s question. She’d need to get really close to him for this, something they’d all subconsciously tried to avoid.

“You can trust us, Lance. You have to for this to work.”

“I know.” Lance sighed and placed the band on his head. As Allura approached, Keith watched Lance rub his finger over something on his other hand. And yet it looked like every muscle in his body went taut at Allura’s touch.

Keith could barely catch a glimpse of Lance’s breathing picking up before the world in front of him exploded with stars. The astral plane.

It’d been a while since an astral projection had been so stable. Keith looked out and could see his teammates standing around him. Even Lance, to a degree, though he was shrouded by a thick fog. They could see it now, because unlike last time, they were actually  _ in  _ the astral plane, not just mentally. However, they could still feel the gap in the Voltron link. 

The gap where Lance was supposed to be.

“Guys?” Lance’s voice sounded anxious, though it edged into frantic surprisingly fast, “Guys? Guys, I can't see anything, why can’t I-” 

“Lance, calm down buddy, we’re here.” Hunk’s voice echoed across the void. Keith could hear it in the astral plane and through his actual ears. Hopefully Lance could too.

“Why can’t I feel any of you? Or see you?”

“Just-- give- me-- a minute-- I-” Allura’s voice was tense with effort. Keith watched in amazed confusion as the fog around Lance started to shift. 

The rest of the team approached it and Keith followed. He tried to put his hand through it, as if he could just reach through and pull Lance out. But his hand hit a barrier.

The light blue fog finally whirled itself into a more distinct form as it settled.

A wall. 

The outside shimmered as magic seemed to ripple across it.

“You all will have to take it from here.” Allura’s strained voice cut through once again, “I was able to shift and gather the quintessence of the block but I fear I do not have the ability to do more without losing my grip on it. It’s up to you, Paladins.”

“Absolutely, Princess,” Keith turned back to the wall with determination. 

Hunk and Pidge had already started pushing on the barrier. Yellow and green magic shimmered across the surface where they touched it. All of it eventually fading back to blue as it spread out farther.

Keith’s hand caused red to join the colors. And he could see black start to ripple from Shiro’s position as well.

But all of the color seemed to disappear too quickly, none of it touching each other. Just evaporating into the shifting blue of the barrier.

“I can only barely feel you, you guys,” Lance’s voice came from the other side, “You still just look like blurry shadows. Are we sure this is gonna work?”

“Lance is right, this isn’t working, you guys.” Hunk’s voice cut in.

“Then keep trying,” Keith ground out, “We’re not just going to give up.” He clenched his jaws tighter, his teeth starting to ache under the pressure.

“No, we’re not. But maybe…” Pidge leaned away from the wall, placing her hands on her hips and looking up at it. She suddenly snapped her head to their leader, “Shiro, we need to connect all of our energies. Instead of trying to put pressure on the entire thing, we just need to concentrate on one point. If we can crumple one part, maybe the rest will come down with it.”

“That sounds like a big maybe, Pidge, I don't know…” Hunk added as he pulled back as well.

Shiro looked at Pidge with a question in his eyes. Keith had seen it enough to know what it meant,  _ ‘Are you sure?’ _

Pidge nodded with pursed lips.

“Alright, everybody, come over to me and Keith.” Shiro slipped right into leader mode, bringing the rest of the team closer, “We need to connect all of the magic we’ve been setting off and we need to make sure it works.” He motioned Keith even closer.

Keith briefly stepped away before placing his hands back down about a foot away from Shiro’s. The red light flowed out, just as it had before, moving towards the black tendrils.

They collided harshly, but stuck together. The magic fused to each other and Keith found he could no longer pull his hands away. By the look he got from Shiro, it was the same for him.

“Wow, I felt  _ that _ ,” Lance’s voice abruptly cut in, “What the hell was that?”

“We’re not quite sure. But we’re about to do it again, be ready.” Shiro beckoned for the other two paladins, “Pidge, you next, right below Keith’s.”

Pidge cautiously placed her hands down and they all watched as the green reached out for Keith and Shiro’s. It snapped into place with a flash of light, the wall shuddered allowing Keith to catch a glimpse of Lance through the fog.

He looked…

“Lance, what’s wrong with your face?”

“Nothing’s wrong with my face! What’s wrong with yours?!” He said incredulously.

“But I saw…” Now Keith was just confused, “I saw a glimpse of you through the wall…. You looked injured.”

“What? But I’m not-”

“Injured how?” Shiro said sharply.

“Like he’d just gone ten rounds with a blender and a sentient punching bag, Shiro. It didn’t look good.”

“Excuse you, I look fabulous no matter what.” Lance’s affronted protests were heard through the wall.

“Lance, do we need to stop?” Shiro asked, “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine Shiro,” Lance’s eye roll was audible, “Keithy-boy doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Shiro looked at him warily, “Keith?”

“If he says go for it, go for it. Who am I to police the actions of an idiot?” Keith tried to sound casual as he shrugged, but he still wished he could see Lance instead of just hear his scoff.

“Alright.” Shiro gave a short, decisive nod, “Hunk, get over here, Lance get ready again, we’re going through with this.”

“Aye aye, Captain,” 

Keith could visibly  _ see  _ Shiro glare Hunk and Pidge down from responding back with ‘I can’t hear you.’ He, of course, would also deny having the spongebob song stuck in his head for the rest of the day.

Hunk hesitantly placed his hands to the wall, surprised when it jerked him closer like a magnet. 

Yellow started flowing out, reaching for Pidge, then Shiro, then finally making contact with the Red of Keith’s own. Each time glowed brighter than the last.

The world around them rumbled.

“There! I saw him!” Pidge shouted out.

“I saw him too! Keith was right, he looks hurt!”

The fog had gaps in it now, places that were thinner than others, and some thicker spaces were shaded a darker blue.

Through one of the gaps, Keith could see Lance drop to one knee.

“Lance!” “Lance! What’s wrong!?” “Are you okay?!”

“I- I’m fine you guys. That blast just knocked me off my feet.” Lance lifted his head to look at them, “I always knew Keith would give me a killer headache, but I never expected it from the rest of you,” He gave them a grin that looked like it should hurt. But it seemed like he didn’t even notice the injuries on his face. 

“Wait, the injuries, they keep changing,” Pidge pointed out, “Why do they keep changing?” Keith looked closer, she was right. The injuries faded in and out on Lance, never the same.

“Seriously guys, I have no idea what you’re talking abou-”

“AS GREAT as it is to see you speaking as a team, I don't think the Princess can hold all of you in the Astral Plane for much longer.” Coran’s voice echoed around them, followed closely by Allura’s.

“It is true, my grip on the quintessence is slipping, something is interfering with it. I fear I may not be able to keep it stable for-”

“What the hell is that!” Hunk’s shout forced Keith’s head to snap towards him as he watched in horror..

The pale fog surrounding Lance was starting to change color. Purple leeching across the surface, like ink in water. It trampled the blue, growing as it surged towards the team.

“Guys, you’re starting to fade out again. What’s going on? Why is it going dark? You guys?” Lance’s shouts jumped through the barrier, but no one could spare a second to respond. The world rumbled again.

A splotch of purple got close enough to touch a tendril of black, seeming satisfied when it leapt away from the color in time with Shiro’s jerk.

“I know what this is,...” Shiro answered, fear building in his voice, “This is druid magic! It’s trying to get to Voltron!”

Keith caught a final glimpse of Lance’s worried face, before the wall started to close off again. And the purple got stronger as Lance pulled back.

“Shiro! We can’t let them get Voltron! She can’t-” Lance sounded more desperate than before.

“I know Lance. Everybody! Channel your lions, we have to push this back.” Shiro’s statement ended with a growl as he pushed more into the quintessence of the barrier. Keith followed suit and could see his team do the same.

Voltron’s colors rushed out against the purple. Even if the Black seemed to push from behind the others, Keith could feel his team hold strong against the ominous pressure.

The entire wall of fog swirled with color now. Not just blue, but Red, Yellow, Green, and Black all curling across each other in smooth cooperation.

Keith had to grit his teeth to keep the flow of power steady. And by the looks of it, everyone else was in the same boat.

“Shiro, it’s taking everything we’ve got just to keep the druid magic back, how are we going to break the wall?”

“I don't know, Keith,” Shiro raised his voice to rise above the barrier, “Lance, we’ve got the druids pushed back, for now, and we’re holding strong!,” The fog returned the thinned state it had been in before, revealing Lance in the middle, curled in on himself. He looked up at them, seeming more weary than he had before.

“Is there anything you can do from your side?”

Lance shakily stood up, almost losing his balance as the ground shook around them. Keith watched Lance steady himself before reaching for the wall. 

The wall glowed a bit brighter, and Keith could feel the pressure even out across the five of them. The bond grew stronger. 

But it wasn’t enough.

“Paladins! You must hurry! If we are to do this, we must do it now! I cannot hold it for much longer!” Allura’s words made Keith look up to see she was correct. The world, the Astral Plane, was quite literally falling apart around them.

A loud thumping sound shook them as shards of the sky fell to the ground.

“Hey, uh- guys,” Hunk’s leg shot out to kick incessantly at his shins, “Hey, guys, guys, guys!”

“What, Hunk!?” Keith snapped as he looked at him.

“I think something’s coming towards us!” Hunk shouted. Keith turned to follow his line of sight. Sure enough, there was a growing blue light at the horizon, slowly getting bigger as it got closer.

“What is that?” By now the whole team was looking at it, Pidge trying to get a proper look with her short arms still stuck to the barrier.

The thumping sound got louder, mixing in with the rumbling of the collapsing Astral Plane.

“Focus, team!” Shiro ground out beside him. The pull of quintessence from Keith got stronger as Hunk and Pidge’s focus shifted. It almost hurt to keep the flow open.

“What are you guys seeing? Is it something bad?” Lance’s voice sounded in his ear. When he looked back, Keith was surprised to find Lance almost right against the barrier, their eyes meeting.

“We don't know what-”

“Is that-?” Pidge asked in an unsure voice.

“I think it is!” Hunk sounded giddy, making Keith look away again, “It’s the Blue Lion!”

The thumping sound grew louder as the Blue Lion’s shape became clearer, now recognizable as the sound of paws running towards them.

Hunk cheered, losing focus even more, and Keith nearly stumbled under the weight now resting on Shiro, Lance and himself.

“Pidge! Hunk! If Blue is coming, then we need to be ready. Focus on the barrier!” Shiro commanded. Pidge immediately turned back to help them. Hunk…. not so much.

“She’s not slowing down. She’s not slowing down! I repeat, she is  _ not _ slowing down! We are about to be crushed by a giant charging Space Lion!” Hunk’s signature anxious voice filled the air. Pidge looked back.

“Actually, I think she’s getting smaller…she’s almost normal sized.”

‘Normal-sized’ was an exaggeration. Blue was still several times larger than a normal ‘Earth’ lion. A fact becoming readily apparent as she got closer, and again,  _ did not slow down _ .

“The Blue Lion knows what she’s doing. Get it together you two, we need to keep this wall stabilized.” Shiro used his Galran hand to forcibly turn Hunk’s head around to the wall. The purple had already started to come back the moment the team wasn’t pushing at full strength.

“Yep, uh huh, got it, focus on the evil purple magic, not the giant lion. Can do, boss man.  _ Can do. _ ” Hunk rambled under his breath, still sneaking glances out of the corner of his eyes.

The thumping of Blue’s feet was deafening; and when she roared, every paladin, even Shiro, had no choice but to look back at her in reverence. 

She charged forwards with all the might of a mother, crashing towards Lance without pause for the wall between them.

All remnants of purple were pushed out of existence as Blue’s magic rushed through the barrier, scattering the world around them. 

The paladins were thrown back into the real world with a shock, Allura stumbling backwards into the waiting arms of Coran.

Lance was laying on the floor in front of them, a smile on his face. There were even a few joyful tears gathered at the corner of his eyes

“Lance?”

“She’s back.” He whispered, the words coming out in disbelief. “She’s back. I can feel her again.” If possible, Lance’s smile grew even bigger as he sat up, the tears falling down his cheeks. “Blue, I missed you so much, girl. I missed you so much!” A rumble echoed through the castle, very clearly originating from the hangers.

“Don’t worry Lance, I think she missed you too,” Hunk smiled back. The pure happiness radiating from them was contagious, despite how exhausted everyone felt.

Pidge moved closer, peering up at Lance curiously.

“So, Lance,” She paused,

“Do you remember?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I'm very sorry that I didn't get this up sooner but I didn't want to.  
> Yeah, seemed like a lot of work and I'm lazy sooo
> 
> But it's here now, and this is the first time I've broken a month on updating this story.  
> Plus, it's like 7,000 words. My average/regular goal is like 3-4,000.  
> I'm extra what can I say.  
> Anyways enjoy!


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